Pause, Stop, Start Over

As most of you know I am active in Alcoholics Anonymous as well as in A Course in Miracles (ACIM). In AA meetings was where I first experienced the liberating freedom and power of Acceptance, the word I use now rather than Love. After two decades of recovery in AA, I was introduced to ACIM where I found “words” that expressed what I had experienced in AA but could never verbalize. From these two disciplines, there are two descriptions of daily activities I use to help guide me – especially when I’m having a bad day:

From AA’s Big Book, Chapter 6, Into Action:

On awakening … [we] consider our plans for the day. Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives. Under these conditions we can employ our mental faculties with assurance,…. Our thought-life will be placed on a much higher plane when our thinking is cleared of wrong motives.

In thinking about our day we may face indecision. We may not be able to determine which course to take. Here we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or a decision. ... We don’t struggle. We are often surprised how the right answers come after we have tried this for a while.

What used to be the hunch or the occasional inspiration gradually becomes a working part of the mind….

We usually conclude the period of meditation with a prayer that we be shown all through the day what our next step is to be, that we be given whatever we need to take care of such problems. We ask especially for freedom from self-will, and are careful to make no request for ourselves only....

As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action. We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day “Thy will be done.’’ We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions. We become much more efficient. We do not tire so easily, for we are not burning up energy foolishly as we did when we were trying to arrange life to suit ourselves.

It works—it really does. We alcoholics are undisciplined. So we let God discipline us in the simple way we have just outlined.

From ACIM, Chapter 30, The New Beginning; Section I. Rules for Decision:

Decisions are continuous. You do not always know when you are making them. But with a little practice with the ones you recognize, a set begins to form which sees you through the rest. It is not wise to let yourself become preoccupied with every step you take. The proper set, adopted consciously each time you wake, will put you well ahead. And if you find resistance strong and dedication weak, you are not ready. Do not fight yourself. But think about the kind of day you want, and tell yourself there is a way in which this very day can happen just like that. Then try again to have the day you want.

(1) The outlook starts with this: Today I will make no decisions by myself.

This means that you are choosing not to be the judge of what to do. But it must also mean you will not judge the situations where you will be called upon to make response. For if you judge them, you have set the rules for how you should react to them. And then another answer cannot but produce confusion and uncertainty and fear.

This is your major problem now. You still make up your mind, and then decide to ask what you should do.… This leads to fear, because it contradicts what you perceive and so you feel attacked and therefore angry….

(2) Throughout the day, at any time you think of it and have a quiet moment for reflection, tell yourself again the kind of day you want; the feelings you would have, the things you want to happen to you, and the things you would experience, and say: If I make no decisions by myself, this is the day that will be given me.

These two procedures, practiced well, will serve to let you be directed without fear, for opposition will not first arise and then become a problem in itself.

But there will still be times when you have judged already. Now the answer will provoke attack, unless you quickly straighten out your mind to want an answer that will work….

 (3) Remember once again the day you want, and recognize that something has occurred that is not part of it. Then realize that you have asked a question by yourself, and must have set an answer in your terms. Then say: I have no question. I forgot what to decide.

This cancels out the terms that you have set, and lets the answer show you what the question must have really been.

Try to observe this rule without delay, despite your opposition. For you have already gotten angry. And your fear of being answered in a different way from what your version of the question asks will gain momentum, until you believe the day you want is one in which you get your answer to your question.…

 (4) If you are so unwilling to receive you cannot even let your question go, you can begin to change your mind with this: At least I can decide I do not like what I feel now.

This much is obvious, and paves the way for the next easy step.

 (5) Having decided that you do not like the way you feel, what could be easier than to continue with: And so I hope I have been wrong.

This works against the sense of opposition, and reminds you that help is not being thrust upon you but is something that you want and that you need, because you do not like the way you feel….

Now you have reached the turning point,… Until this point is reached, you will believe your happiness depends on being right….

 (6) This tiny grain of wisdom will suffice to take you further. You are not coerced, but merely hope to get a thing you want. And you can say in perfect honesty: I want another way to look at this.

Now you have changed your mind about the day, and have remembered what you really want. Its purpose has no longer been obscured by the insane belief you want it for the goal of being right when you are wrong….

(7) This final step is but acknowledgement of lack of opposition to be helped. It is a statement of an open mind, not certain yet, but willing to be shown: Perhaps there is another way to look at this. What can I lose by asking?

Thus you now can ask a question that makes sense, and so the answer will make sense as well. Nor will you fight against it, for you see that it is you who will be helped by it….

There are quite a few similarities throughout both of these sets of suggestions. However, for me the two most striking parallels are (1) the understanding that to mess up is not a “sin” punishable by God and (2) that I have the ability, as often as I want, to simply start my day over. I don’t need to agonize over my mistakes; I don’t need to fear the wrath of God; I simply can erase some of my day – like using an etch-a-sketch – and begin again by asking for help and another way of perceiving the situation.

Perhaps you will find these suggestions helpful for yourself.

As I’ve stated before, “I have to understand, on a visceral level, who the “Me” or “I” really is when I am speaking or thinking. The “I” that says to myself, “I really need a newer, more reliable car” is a different “I” than the one that says to my Holy Spirit, “I can’t do this anymore; help me perceive things the way You see them.”

Although these messages are mostly for me, thanks for listening to me and getting to know me – warts and all. As always, feel free to forward this message to your friends, family, and those accompanying you on your spiritual journey.

Don

#3 Jun 2016

Copyright 2016

My Creek, My Perspective and Me

For the last 3 weeks or so, we have been dry here in Eastern Tennessee. For the last 3 days it has finally rained. So what? Well, the grass loves it, and so do the shrubs. Also, the creek is running again.

The wet-weather creek that runs through our property is lovely when it flows. It fills three wide and deep spots to form connected ponds while it gurgles over the rock beds between the ponds. It is a general delight. However, when it stops raining for a while, the ponds begin to stagnate and mosses and algae begin to cry “Whoopie!” as they blossom. It becomes a mess in a real hurry.

During several of these recent rainstorms, I was able to wade into the ponds to begin cleaning out submerged, rotting leaves, branches and other collected debris. As I cleaned them, with sprinkles (and more) falling intermittently, I was able to help the creek along so it could clean itself as it began running again.

So it was this morning, as well. I was out in thigh deep water, scooping up bottom muck and tossing it on the banks. The rain came, went, and came again. I was soaked. When it began to downpour, I retreated to the crawl space beneath the house to rest and wait out the sudden deluge. I felt something between my big and second toe. I took off by rubber sandals and found a small, inch-long crayfish. I returned it to the creek. I’m not sure, but I think it waved “Bye” to me.

Several neighbors drove past, looked at me and shook their heads. It was as if they were saying, “Look at that idiot – in the rain – cleaning up. Why doesn’t he just wait a while?”

I waved. They smiled.

It made me think. “Am I a little nuts?”

“No!” I replied to myself. It’s all a matter of perspective. I didn’t feel absurd out there in the light drizzle. I felt like a little boy, splashing in the rain. I was having fun. I felt good about getting the muck and debris out of the creek bottom so the creek could clear itself naturally, quickly and well.

I was merely helping nature along… and having fun doing it. So I didn’t feel a little nuts. I felt good.

Perspective and acceptance: The perspective of a little boy; accepting natural processes; working with, rather than fighting against, Mother Nature.

Take from this what you will. Perspective. Acceptance. Feeling good and enjoying some serenity, peace, wet clothes, and a new little crayfish friend.

As I’ve stated before, “I have to understand, on a visceral level, who the “Me” or “I” really is when I am speaking or thinking. The “I” that says to myself, “I really need a newer, more reliable car” is a different “I” than the one that says to my Holy Spirit, “I can’t do this anymore; help me perceive things the way You see them.”

Although these messages are mostly for me, thanks for listening to me and getting to know me – warts and all. As always, feel free to forward this message to your friends, family, and those accompanying you on your spiritual journey.

Don

#1 Jun 2016

Copyright 2016

I Do Not Like To Be Reminded Of Me

I will not be sending a message for a couple of weeks because I’ll be out of pocket. I’ll be talking with you again in August.

However, I was reminded last week at an AA meeting of the truism, “If you spot it, you got it.” I loathed that saying for many, many years because it was so true for me. I would invariably meet someone I instinctively simply didn’t like. Why? What was it about them that so disturbed me? Why did virtually everything they had to say just grate on my nerves? Why did their every mannerism just make me close my eyes and wince?

I would wrestle with that for a couple of weeks and, eventually, discuss it with my sponsor. He always would tell me one of two things: “There is something about that person that reminds you of you – but has been hidden from you by you because you don’t want to deal with whatever that issue is.” Or “Donnie, if you spot it, you got it.” I would cringe every time I heard him say either of those things.

But they were always true for me!

The issue wasn’t the person, or what they had to say, or their mannerisms. The issue was … me. A course in Miracles (ACIM) discusses the same thing using a little more sophisticated language. All the meaning I place on things, events or people is simply a function of my perception – and my perception is simply a reflection of my inner egoic mind. So, according to ACIM, if I’m disturbed by what I perceive, I can correct the error simply by changing my mind.

From the Introduction (paragraph one) to Chapter 21 in the ACIM Text:  “Projection makes perception. The world you see is what you gave it, nothing more than that. But though it is no more than that, it is not less. Therefore, to you it is important. It is the witness to your state of mind, the outside picture of an inward condition. As a man thinketh, so does he perceive. Therefore, seek not to change the world, but choose to change your mind about the world. Perception is a result and not a cause [it is the projection of my inward condition] ….”

Believing in our separateness and in our projected perceptions is the error (not “sin”) ACIM states we make. When I decide to make another choice I have another opportunity to truly connect with you, which transforms me.

At issue I think is that my egoic mind (Felix) wants me to believe in my separateness or to believe in myself as my body. ACIM wants me to understand I am an already-loved eternal spirit at one with all humanity; I am not a body nor am I my thoughts.

Tastes of this reality have come to me through my involvement in AA.

In an AA meeting, people begin sharing by saying, “My name is _______. I’m an alcoholic.” It’s a great leveler – a uniter rather than a divider – a unifier rather than a separator. That sense of acceptance and belonging in AA has transformed my life. It has provided me with glimpses of ACIM’s description of a “Holy Instant” – times when a sense of Oneness has transformed my perception of all that matters.

When I think of the Christ in you or think to myself, as the ancient Mayans did in their greeting to each other “In Lak’ech” or “I am another you,” I am opening the door to being One with you. In that state of mind I cannot hide from myself, because as I see you I am seeing me.  There is where I find peace.

Although these messages are mostly for me, thanks for listening. As always – feel free to forward this message to your friends, family, and those accompanying you on your spiritual journey.

Don

#3 Jul 2015

Copyright 2015

My Body Is Not My Self

This has been a rough week for my little body. The weather in East Tennessee has been less than wonderful – cloudy, rainy, chilly, overcast. It’s a great time to catch up on pre-spring in-house honey-dos as well as outdoor yard and garden chores. So that’s what I was doing most of the week.  On Tuesday, while re-grouting some tile, I rolled on my side and heard one of my floating ribs crack and pop. It still hurts, but there’s no bruising or discoloration – so I know nothing is cracked or broken and no cartilage has been torn. It is just painful.

On Wednesday, I cleaned our wooden deck from accumulated mildew. The deck is in the shade virtually all winter. The mildew is as predictable as daffodils in the early spring. I use a hand brush and a bowl of ammonia or bleach (Clorox) water. It was very stubborn this year, so I decided to mix a little Clorox with the mostly ammonia water. I know that a Clorox/ammonia mixture will give off chlorine gas and is very dangerous in small, enclosed places – like showers and bathrooms. But I was outdoors, there was a light breeze and the deck is about 5 feet off the ground – chlorine gas is very heavy and sinks. It worked on the mildew like a champ – but the chlorine gas also worked on me – snorting, coughing, and making the skin on my hands become very sensitive. So much for being so very smart!

So, here I am – a sore rib and still dealing with the residue of chlorine gas inhalation.  After 48 hours my hands still smelled like a public swimming pool. But I’ve learned that it is difficult to think of my Self without my body. Afterall, I am not my body nor am I what I generally think. I am an already-loved eternal spirit that is a part of the Mind of God. That’s hard to keep in mind when my body is hurting and keeps itself front and center.

In ACIM’s Workbook for Students, the explanation for the body is clearly spelled out in Lesson 72, “Holding grievances is an attack on God’s plan for salvation.” As you read this please remember that “grievances” are having upsets, frustrations, being angry, condemning, having judgments/opinions, relishing self-pity, having expectations, trying to be in control, fighting to be right. In short, having a grievance is being angry at the reality I seem to see because it does not support my desire for separation and specialness.

From the initial paragraphs of Lesson 72 (bolding is my emphasis):

1 While we have recognized that the ego's plan for salvation is the opposite of God's, we have not yet emphasized that it is an active attack on His plan, and a deliberate attempt to destroy it. In the attack, God is assigned the attributes, which are actually associated with the ego, while the ego appears to take on the attributes of God.

2 The ego's fundamental wish is to replace God. In fact, the ego is the physical embodiment of that wish. For it is that wish that seems to surround the mind with a body, keeping it separate and alone, and unable to reach other minds except through the body that was made to imprison it. The limit on communication cannot be the best means to expand communication. Yet the ego would have you believe that it is.

3 Although the attempt to keep the limitations that a body would impose is obvious here, it is perhaps not so apparent why holding grievances is an attack on God's plan for salvation. But let us consider the kinds of things you are apt to hold grievances for. Are they not always associated with something a body does? A person says something you do not like. He does something that displeases you. He "betrays" his hostile thoughts in his behavior.

4 You are not dealing here with what the person is. On the contrary, you are exclusively concerned with what he does in a body. You are doing more than failing to help in freeing him from the body's limitations. You are actively trying to hold him to it by confusing it with him, and judging them as one. Herein is God attacked, for if His Son is only a body, so must He be as well. A creator wholly unlike his creation is inconceivable.

5 If God is a body, what must His plan for salvation be? What could it be but death? In trying to present Himself as the Author of life and not of death, He is a liar and a deceiver, full of false promises and offering illusions in place of truth. The body's apparent reality makes this view of God quite convincing. In fact, if the body were real, it would be difficult indeed to escape this conclusion. And every grievance that you hold insists that the body is real. It overlooks entirely what your brother is. It reinforces your belief that he is a body, and condemns him for it. And it asserts that his salvation must be death, projecting this attack onto God, and holding Him responsible for it….

7 This is the universal belief of the world you see. Some hate the body and try to hurt and humiliate it. Others love the body and try to glorify and exalt it. But while the body stands at the center of your concept of yourself, you are attacking God’s plan for salvation and holding your grievances against Him and His creation, that you may not hear the Voice of truth and welcome It as Friend….

9 The light of truth is in us, where it was placed by God. It is the body that is outside us and is not our concern. To be without a body is to be in our natural state. To recognize the light of truth in us is to recognize ourselves as we are…..

Although these messages are mostly for me, thanks for listening. As always – feel free to forward this message to your friends, family, and those accompanying you on your spiritual journey.

Don

#4 March 2015

Copyright 2015