The Unbelievable Importance Of My ”Story”

In last week’s message, Msg-1-Jan-2017 “Don’t Think So Much Sometimes…Just Do”], I mentioned I was beginning the 365 daily lessons of A Course In Miracles (ACIM). I was recommitting to them the same way I did with the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). I worked through these early Lessons before – at least intellectually.

This time around these same early lessons are affecting me viscerally.

Lesson 10: My Thoughts Do Not Mean Anything and  Lesson 11: My Meaningless Thoughts Are Showing Me A Meaningless World.

From Lesson 11 (emphasis mine):  1 This is the first idea we have had that is related to a major phase of the correction process; the reversal of the thinking of the world. It seems as if the world determines what you perceive. Today's idea introduces the concept that your thoughts determine the world you see. Be glad indeed to practice the idea in its initial form, for in this idea is your release made sure….

4 … The introduction to this idea, in particular, should be practiced as casually as possible. It contains the foundation for the peace, relaxation and freedom from worry that we are trying to achieve.

Lessons 10 & 11 are an affront to my rationality – just like AA was. Early in my sobriety, I was admonished, “Don’t think, Don, just do what you’re told – just for today go to a meeting and share, pray, work the Steps, work with your sponsor, and the rest of your life is none of your business. Never forget that your way of thinking got you into these rooms in the first place.”

Not very flattering is it?

Lesson 12: I Am Upset Because I See A Meaningless World:

1 The importance of this idea lies in the fact that it contains a correction for a major perceptual distortion. You think that what upsets you is a frightening world, or a sad world, or a violent world, or an insane world. All these attributes are given it by you. The world is meaningless in itself….

5 What is meaningless is neither good nor bad. Why, then, should a meaningless world upset you? If you could accept the world as meaningless and let the truth be written upon it for you, it would make you indescribably happy. But because it is meaningless; you are impelled to write upon it what you would have it be. It is this you see in it. It is this that is meaningless in truth. Beneath your words is written the Word of God. The truth upsets you now, but when your words have been erased, you will see His. That is the ultimate purpose of these exercises.

Why does the thought of a meaningless world upset me? Because I love drama. I love my story – not my superficial story but my values-based story. My superficial story is my name, my history, my careers, my marriages and my children. My values-based story is the lessons I think I’ve learned that propel me to love humor, root for the underdog, find meaning in my life through lessons learned, value the spiritual side of life, admire simplicity, and respect the environment. These are values that require me to do what I believe is right whether or not anyone notices. I tell myself all these values help me frame the world in ways I can understand it. However, all my values-based story is really doing is defining the world I see so I can then interpret, react, and respond in ways that are consistent with this very same story – all of which keeps Felix very much alive.

Lesson 13: A Meaningless World Engenders Fear:

2 Recognition of meaninglessness arouses intense anxiety in all the separated ones. It represents a situation in which God and the ego "challenge" each other as to whose meaning is to be written in the empty space that meaninglessness provides. The ego rushes in frantically to establish its own ideas there, fearful that the void may otherwise be used to demonstrate its own impotence and unreality. And on this alone it is correct.

The fear or upset I feel is the apprehension that my values-based story is all made up. There are instances where I have remembered occurrences in my childhood that I believe truly shaped me. However, my brother has no remembrances of those instances. Hmm.

ACIM is telling me that my story is all made up; it is my creation. Felix made it up because it “fits” what Felix wants me to believe: Felix is really real. I must let my story go if I am to find peace, serenity and joy. But, if I let my story go, who am I? How do I define myself to myself? That’s scary.

I am finding myself avoiding doing this. I believe my value-based “story” is who I really am. That’s what my ego, Felix, thinks. However, that is not reality. Believing what Felix wants me to believe is what is keeping me from experiencing peace, serenity and joy. I

It is frightening, but I cannot just think about the Course, or memorize pithy quotes from the Course, or opine on the meaning of the Course. I just need to swallow my rational pride and do the Lessons as instructed. Just like I learned to do in AA.

As I’ve stated before, “I have to understand, on a visceral level, who the “Me” or “I” really is when I am speaking or thinking. The “I” that says to myself, “I really need a newer, more reliable car” is a different “I” than the one that says to Spirit, “I can’t do this anymore; help me perceive things the way You see them.”

Although these messages are mostly for me, thanks for listening to me and getting to know me – warts and all. As always, feel free to forward this message to your friends, family, and those accompanying you on your spiritual journey.

Don

#2 Jan 2017

Copyright 2017

The Tolerance and Serenity of India

On our recent trip we saw the highlights of Northern India: Old and New Delhi, Agra and Jaipur. These are huge teeming cities. Agra, the smallest of the three and considered a medium-sized city, is over 4 million in population. Delhi and Jaipur are each in the 15-20 million range. Delhi is the capital of India and Jaipur is one of the more up-to-date “modern” cities.

In Delhi we were able to see the familiar sites of Mahatma Gandhi’s home and site of his assassination, The War Memorial (India Gate) and the President’s house, as well as the Baha’i Lotus Temple. In Agra we visited, of course, the Taj Mahal. In Jaipur we visited the Amber Fort and rode elephants to the top, we rode rickshaws through the old “pink” city – including the Palace of Winds, watched a demonstration of Oriental rug dyeing and weaving, and visited a gem shop where we saw a demonstration of gem cutting and polishing. Throughout it all we were able to eat the most wonderful food in the world! The worst we had in the most depressing of eateries was absolutely superb. We couldn’t have been more pleased and sated.

However, because of the populations we encountered we also witnessed the extremes of poverty there. There were people living in hovels and shanties not much better off than the roaming animals living around them – cattle, pigs, goats, sheep, dogs and cats. I asked our Guide about them – living in abject poverty in the middle of bustling cities. He told me that India (over a billion people) was really two countries – urban and rural.

The urban India consists of about half of the population. It is moving forward while fighting all the typical “modern” calamities – smog, zoning, traffic and infrastructure issues that plague growing metropolitan areas. Rural India is backward, has resisted change, is culturally stuck 75 years ago, is untrusting of education and health care initiatives, and wants to remain existing as their forefathers did. But it isn’t working anymore. They cannot make a living. They no longer can totally exist in a rural barter economy. Their children will be less prosperous and sufficient than they. So, they are moving to the cities. Some have sold their meager farms to developers and, believing they are rich, move to the city to live a “life of luxury.” But they have absolutely no life skills for urban living. They spend most of their money on a down payment for a small house or condo with no idea that they have to make monthly mortgage payments. When those payments come due, they are bewildered and lose all they have recently acquired. Hence, the hovels and shanties we saw, as well as the begging and attempts to sell trinkets.

It was awful; it was fascinating. It was a living crucible of urban versus rural adaptation to a globalized economy in the Information Age. Although it was more stark and severe, it was a fuzzy, in-your-face mirror of the urban/rural divide we are seeing emerge here in the U.S.

However, many, if not most, of these impoverished displaced rural folks were also vendors plying their wares at every opportunity. Around the more famous tourist sites we saw permanent “gypsy” villages of clapboard shacks and shanties. They were attempting to be as clean as possible but they were relentless in their desire to have me part with a few coins in exchange for their trinkets. Some of the times I felt exactly as a piece of rotting meat must feel watching the flies begin to gather around.

Quite often there would be larger, more robust vendors who would push their way to the front to hawk their goods. I noticed, however, that the other vendors would simply move out of the way to wait their “turn” to get in front of me. Where was the anger? Where was the: “Hey, you, I was here first. What are you doing?” I tried to imagine this in New York, Boston, Chicago or Saint Louis. I couldn’t. There would be fistfights, shouting, shoving. A melee. Police would get involved. People would get hurt.

But not in the India I saw. Why?

They are a serene, gentle and accepting people. I think it is their heritage of Buddhism and Hinduism. They accept – they are aware without fear – without guilt for their circumstance. There was no evidence, as there is here, of a seething underbelly of hate, anger, resentment and fear. Their gentle acceptance was palpably evident – even amidst the throngs of vendors. I could “feel” it. I was impressed.

Last week in A Course In Miracles (ACIM) a Japanese lady who has recently joined our group mentioned that she was told, when she asked “What is ACIM?” that it was a course in Buddhist and Hindu principles couched in Christian language. That description really resonated with me – in light of what I had just experienced in India.

These observations and explanations helped me. I hope it is helpful to you as well.

Although these messages are mostly for me, thanks for listening to me and getting to know me – warts and all. As always, feel free to forward this message to your friends, family, and those accompanying you on your spiritual journey.

Don

#1 Oct 2016

Copyright 2016

Acceptance Is Awareness Without Fear

From AA’s Big Book there’s this most referred-to story from a doctor. If I had a dollar for every time a sponsor told a sponsee to go read this story, I’d have enough money to buy a new car. This doctor’s story is titled: “Acceptance Is The Key.” … It helped me a great deal to become convinced that alcoholism was a disease, not a moral issue; that I had been drinking as a result of a compulsion, even though I had not been aware of the compulsion at the time; and that sobriety was not a matter of willpower. The people of A.A. had something that looked much better than what I had, but I was afraid to let go of what I had in order to try something new; there was a certain sense of security in the familiar.

At last, acceptance proved to be the key to my drinking problem. After I had been around A.A. for seven months, tapering off alcohol and pills, not finding the program working very well, I was finally able to say, “Okay, God. It is true that I—of all people, strange as it may seem, and even though I didn’t give my permission—really, really am an alcoholic of sorts. And it’s all right with me. Now, what am I going to do about it?” When I stopped living in the problem and began living in the answer, the problem went away. From that moment on, I have not had a single compulsion to drink.

And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation—some fact of my life —unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.

Acceptance is the singular requirement for enjoying peace, joy, and serenity. Being accepted in Alcoholics Anonymous – truly accepted just as I was – transformed me. I had never experienced that before. I haven’t had a drink since nor have I been the same since. But what is acceptance?

You may recall I have written before stating that, for me, acceptance is a better word than love, because “love” is such an overused word. But what is acceptance? What does it mean? I’ve met a lot of resistance (from myself and from others) about accepting someone or something that is met with aversion or abhorrence. Many feel that to accept something or someone is the same as approving. It is not. Many feel that it is impossible for them to really accept because whoever or whatever it is is so distasteful or disliked. Acceptance is not “liking” someone or something. Many are afraid of accepting someone because it means they might be getting away with something they shouldn’t. Acceptance does not mean simply saying, “That’s okay.”

So, what is it? What does it mean to accept someone or something.

I recently read a definition of Acceptance that really resonated with me. The author (Doug Bennett, What Color Socks Does God Wear? 2015, p. 74-5) was discussing the importance of being aware and accepting of what is. We’ve all heard this admonishment many times. Let it go. It is what it is. Just relax and accept. But Bennett notes how hard that is. From my own experience I concur.

He continues: “I can define acceptance as awareness without fear. Fear distorts our perception of reality, or at least encourages unhealthy perceptions of reality. Allowing ‘everything’ into awareness requires that we get around our fears that are keeping so much of our reality out of our awareness. In spite of that difficulty, I believe that learning to be aware and accepting is an easier task than trying to change our learned perceptions that are based in serious fear.”

Perception is awareness without fear. A great thought for you to ponder – discovering the fears that lie behind people, situations or issues that have been difficult, up to now, for you to accept.

As I’ve stated before, “I have to understand, on a visceral level, who the “Me” or “I” really is when I am speaking or thinking. The “I” that says to myself, “I really need a newer, more reliable car” is a different “I” than the one that says to my Holy Spirit, “I can’t do this anymore; help me perceive things the way You see them.”

Although these messages are mostly for me, thanks for listening to me and getting to know me – warts and all. As always, feel free to forward this message to your friends, family, and those accompanying you on your spiritual journey.

Don

#2 Sep 2016

Copyright 2016

PS: This will be my last message this September. I will be out of the country.

Why I Feel My Separateness

This past week I enjoyed breakfast with a member of AA’s Fellowship. We both have amassed a great deal of consecutive 365 days of sobriety. We enjoy speaking / thinking / discussing the more spiritual aspects of life. Somehow, after obligatory pleasantries, we ended up sharing our experiences with being surrounded – or engulfed – by Mother Nature. He was sharing experiences from hunting. I was sharing experiences from working in and around my wet-weather creek that runs through our property.

We both ended up recognizing that when we were awed by our witness of the complete interrelatedness of the natural world, we were also painfully aware that we were the “outsiders.” We were the ones that didn’t seem to “fit” in this interrelated world whose awesomeness we were witnessing.

We both had had these experiences. We both had found ourselves feeling like the “outsider.” Each time we had “felt” that way, it was a little discomforting. It felt good and bad at the same time. It felt peaceful and eerie at the same time. We were IN nature while being OUT of nature. It was a little weird.

After the breakfast I began to realize that what we both experienced was the nub of human existence, according to A Course in Miracles (ACIM), as well as to the theological interpretation of the biblical Genesis stories: We were in a paradise – we were an integral part of that paradise. Then things went very wrong.

•           The biblical stories indicate we sinned and were cast out of paradise.
•           ACIM states that we got too big for our britches and left our paradise.
•           I believe when Jesus told the parable of the Prodigal Son, He was retelling the Genesis story. We left the comfort of Eden. We left the love of our Father. When we came back after squandering our inheritance, our Father didn’t castigate us or discipline us or punish us. There was no “price” to pay (other than what we had already inflicted on ourselves). He just joyously welcomed us Home. We had not “sinned.” We had erred. We had corrected our mistake and we were back. That’s all that mattered. It was time to celebrate.

Either way you choose to read it – we were no longer in a paradise. We were on our own and had separated ourselves from our paradise or Source. We had separated ourselves from each other because we came to believe we, in fact, WERE separate things.

As I said, that’s the nub of human existence – the problem – the struggle – the pain – the fear of being human. It  can all be summed up by acknowledging our feeling of being separate, both from the world as well as from each other. That’s why we cling to ideas and people who help make us feel a part of something that provides a little meaning to our lives.

That’s why AA has been so central to my life. That’s why ACIM has become so important to me. I first experienced true, honest acceptance in AA and it transformed me. The experiences I have had in AA, but could never thoroughly verbalize, showered my life with miracles – the vanishing of my compulsion to drink; the knowledge gained as to how to live my life with skills I had never understood nor experienced; the blessing of serenity from being “one of the herd” (or NOT feeling separate any more). ACIM, however, was putting words of Truth to the experiential faith I had received from experiencing AA’s Fellowship – words I had never been able to speak.

 Having experienced my life change and having understood the words verbalized in ACIM, I now know that I am not a body separate from you that somewhere inside has a “soul” that is eternal. I am an already-loved eternal spirit that is currently having a human experience. Believing I am a body separate from you and from nature has been an error on my part. I can change my mind and, with the Holy Spirit’s help, can change how I envision my world, which includes you.

As my perception of the “world out there” changes as a result of this realization, my world, itself, will change. 

As the adage states: “When I change the way I look at things, the things I look at change.” I have viscerally experienced the truth of that adage.

As I’ve stated before, “I have to understand, on a visceral level, who the “Me” or “I” really is when I am speaking or thinking. The “I” that says to myself, “I really need a newer, more reliable car” is a different “I” than the one that says to my Holy Spirit, “I can’t do this anymore; help me perceive things the way You see them.”

Although these messages are mostly for me, thanks for listening to me and getting to know me – warts and all. As always, feel free to forward this message to your friends, family, and those accompanying you on your spiritual journey.

Don

#2 Aug 2016

Copyright 2016