Starting Again

Happy New Year!

New Year’s Day is a time for resolutions and the hope of starting again – doing whatever or not doing whatever. I don’t know about you, but my resolutions have never lasted very long. Stop drinking. Stop smoking my pipe.  Start meditating more regularly and more often. Stop raising my voice when irritated or angry. Regardless, I don’t have a good track record when it comes to keeping New Year’s resolutions.

That’s one of the reasons I love A Course in Miracles (ACIM). Since the world I see is illusionary, it doesn’t really exist in the mind of God. The “sins” I think I have committed are not recognizable by the God of my understanding. They are simply errors of judgment. They are simply wrong or unhelpful decisions I’ve made. They are only decisions that reinforce – to me – the “reality” of my egoic or illusionary world I perceive.

So, in effect, I can use every day of the rest of my life as I normally would use January 1^st – a time for starting again – over and over.  God isn’t just turning a blind eye to my perceived misdeeds. He doesn’t see them. I can remember watching my son toss, turn and thrash as he slept through a bad dream. I had no idea what his dream was about. The only way to help him was to wake him. That’s exactly what God is doing in ACIM. God literally cannot see my illusionary world. My perceived misdeeds are simply that – my perception of my created reality. His love for me is the only reality there is. But I’m too mired in my EGOIC ME to recognize that reality.

His will for me is to begin understanding the blocks I, as an individual and as a member of the human race, have created that obscure my awareness of His love. Please notice, my issue is not to try with all my might and will power to force myself to perceive differently. I am too entrenched in this egoic world to accomplish that. I can, however, begin to train my mind to “see” when my ego (which I call Felix) is driving me and stop and ask for the willingness to see with Spirit’s vision rather than with my optic nerves. That’s all I need to do – be honest, open, willing.

I think that’s what I’ll do this New Year’s Day: Ask for openness and willingness to see things differently. Be honest about implementing the direction His vision provides. Thank Him for my sobriety. Start each day anew. On my knees.

I can do that.

When I misstep – I’ll simply start again.

Although these messages are mostly for me, thanks for listening. As always – feel free to forward this message to your friends, family, and those accompanying you on your spiritual journey.

I wish each of you a superb 2015.

Don

#3 December 2014

Copyright, 2014

Walking The Talk During The Holidays

The holiday season always has a way of getting me down. Although I understand it, it still happens. I also know I am not alone in experiencing this feeling.

At least now I know what to do. One thing is to do what I’m doing right this minute – namely, talking about it. That always seems to help – some.

The season – the bells, the tinsel, the Salvation Army’s Red Bucket, the television ads featuring Norman Rockwell families having a perfectly joyous holiday meal perfectly prepared – always reminds me of my perfectly dysfunctional relationship with my family. It reminds me of my role as the “black sheep.” All those powerful images also tell me I still have residual expectations that I believed I had worked through.

So, I get down during the season and then get down on myself for getting down.

The second thing I do, in addition to talking the talk, is to remember to walk the talk. Inevitably, I’ve relaxed my diligence in doing my morning meditations. I’ve become slack in doing my daily readings. Sure enough my internal serenity, which relies on the health of my spiritual awareness, begins to wane and the seasonal doldrums enter without much resistance.

I’ve begun to reaffirm my spiritual connection to my Self. I’ve begun to re-establish my routines of quiet times, readings, meditations, and listening to the quiet whispers of (what I refer to as) my Holy Spirit. Duh! Miracle of Miracles! My spirits begin to lift. This is all so simple and straightforward – but it always seems to be the last thing I think about doing.

I am now looking forward to Christmas – the celebration of the birth of a baby boy who lived in constant contact with his Holy Spirit in the eternal Now. He talked the talk and walked the walk – living in a state of constant Holy Encounter where miracles are commonplace. We, of course, misread, misunderstood and misinterpreted Him. We began to institutionalize the remembrance of His sayings, parables, and homilies. We made a religion out of his life, words, and works. He only wanted us to do what He did.

Some of that I had glimpsed and wrote about in my book – How the Bible became the Bible before I experienced all this. Some of that I have subsequently learned in A Course in Miracles (ACIM). Mostly, however, I am so grateful for experiencing a Holy Encounter in Alcoholics Anonymous that transformed me. I am eternally grateful for experiencing His life, teachings and message of acceptance. Having experienced it before having time to convert my experience into dogma or ritual, the universal reality of the Truth of His life and message resonated profoundly in me.

I’m grateful this Christmas for His birth, and because of it, for my rebirth.

Although these messages are mostly for me, thanks for listening. As always – feel free to forward this message to your friends, family, and those accompanying you on your spiritual journey.

I wish each of you a Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah, Happy Kwanza, or Happy Holidays.

Love, Don

#2 December 2014

Copyright, 2014

Form and Content

The last message of November dealt with Acceptance and discussed the importance of distinguishing between FORM and CONTENT. I received several comments that indicated there was some confusion between the two.

These comments seemed to be centered around my paragraph: “My ego sees Form AS Content; the Holy Spirit sees only Content. Form is meaningless. Content is either an aspect of love or fear. To the Holy Spirit the difference between a hateful thought and a beheading is negligible. To my ego the difference in Form is exceptionally significant. But the Spirit’s reality is that hate is hate, fear is fear, anger is anger. It is of my ego – regardless of Form.”

I will elaborate.

If my perception reflects an aspect of fear, it is of my ego and cannot be an aspect of actual love. Fear and Love don’t mix, regardless of how well I try to shake them together. They don’t mix, regardless of the mental gymnastics I go through. Since Fear is of my ego, like every other egoic thing of mine, it is illusionary. It simply does not exist except within the universe of my perception.

The Holy Spirit understands this and will interpret my ego’s fear as a call for love, just as He will interpret your ego’s fear as a call for love. But the Holy Spirit needs human hands, eyes, and ears to help Him correct that perception. That’s where I come in. That’s where you enter the picture.

That’s our job. That’s our function.

To perform that job I need only do two things: I need to be willing – really willing – to see things differently; I need to learn to forgive.

The Holy Spirit helps me do both.

To try to forgive members of ISIS, for example, as an act of my egoic will is only a veiled form of insidious judgment. Conjuring up my egoic will, I will say to myself, “These ISIS folks are trying as best they can to find peace through their form of religious beliefs. They want to belong to something that provides a sense of meaning and purpose in their life. So, in fact, do I. Therefore, I must pardon their misguided acts of murder and hope they straighten-up and begin to fly right. I hope they begin to think just as I do. After all, I don’t go around and behead people. Help them, Holy Spirit to see the truth, as You and I both know it. Okay? Thank You. Amen”

I have just judged ISIS. It’s as if I were saying: I know better. I am more in tune with spirit that they. I believe in the Bible. They believe in the Quran. I know what’s best for them. All God needs to do is agree with me and grant my request to straighten them out – straighten them out as I see it, of course.

What preposterous BS!

True – I don’t go around beheading people. I just go around looking down my nose at bigotry, at ignorance, at self-centered power grabs, at fear-based political lies, at others’ obvious egoic behaviors. Yes, ISIS “sins.” Yes, I “sin.” But they really, really, really “sin.” I just sort of, kind of, “sin.” But my motives and intentions are good, I tell myself. How can theirs be?

All of this is FORM-based. All of this is illusionary.

But the Spirit’s reality is that hate is hate, fear is fear, anger is anger. It is of my ego – regardless of Form.

Rather than willfully trying to pardon ISIS, I need to understand that ISIS is not upsetting my peace of mind. My thoughts about ISIS are upsetting my peace of mind. As A Course in Miracles tells me, I need to remember I am never upset for the reason I think. This is a hard lesson for me.

So …

·      I need to still my mind by not paying attention to my thoughts.

·      I need to understand I am reacting to my own perception – not God’s.

·      I need to understand I need another way of looking at this situation.

That’s as far as my higher egoic mind can take me.

At this point all I can do is ask the Holy Spirit for a different way of looking at all this. I can ask for the true willingness to see things differently. Then I can begin listening – not to the loud boisterous voices in my head – but to the whispers of Spirit. The Holy Spirit will provide me with a different perspective, if I will recognize it. He will work through my changed perception and perform miracles I cannot begin to imagine. In all of this I will find true, lasting peace.

The actual process of changing my mind or the actual process of seeing things differently is not my job to do. It’s the Holy Spirit’s. When I find it difficult to separate Form from Content, it tells me I am attached in some way to the reality of the Form I believe I see. Most often this occurs when the Form I see is one I believe is right and just. Yes, those can be as illusionary as my more unsavory egoic perceptions.

Although these messages are mostly for me, thanks for listening. As always – feel free to forward this message to your friends, family, and those accompanying you on your spiritual journey.

Don

#1 December 2014

Copyright, 2014

The Critical Nature of Acceptance

Last week I quoted a passage from AA’s Big Book about the importance of acceptance. I received quite a few comments from readers – some outside the U.S. – that indicated some confusion between acceptance and approval, as well as the misunderstanding between “accepting life on life’s terms” and our use of “past experience” to figure out life, I will attempt to clarify these issues at least as I understand them.

I will reiterate the quote here:  The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous [page 417] discusses: “Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation – some fact of my life – unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and my attitudes.” [From the story entitled: Acceptance Was The Answer]

The key phrase for me in this quote is “… at this moment.” If I don’t accept the person, place, thing or situation, I will find no serenity. I will know no peace. I will continue to obscure whatever light and love there is within me. A Course in Miracles (ACIM) states that I am never upset for the reason I think. It also admonishes me to refrain from letting my past experience guide me in the present moment. When I bring up past experience, I am allowing myself to simply relive a perceived past failure or success. That is not dealing with what is in front of me NOW (… at this moment). That is only dealing with a perceived reality that exists in the universe that lives between my ears.

When confronted by a disturbing event or person, if I begin to ask myself “Why is this happening?” or begin commenting to myself about all the “shoulds,” “oughts,”or  “might-have-beens,” I am simply wasting my time and emotional energy – focusing on what is only my perception of the past. Thinking like this really damages my ability to deal with NOW – just as it is. I can discipline my mind to elect to be willing to allow the Holy Spirit to enable me to see the situation or person in a way that will enable me to respond. But, I cannot get myself there if I am bogged down in the muck of “Why me?” or “Why now?” or “This isn’t fair.” or “This shouldn’t be happening.” Focusing on that only keeps me stuck in my problem and in my past, both of which are not my answer to the NOW.

This sounds rather simple and straightforward. But it is hard to break my knee-jerk reactions, especially when I watch ISIS/ISIL or follow the events in Ferguson, MO or listen to stories about Ebola. But that is exactly what’s required of me to achieve serenity (AA) or peace (ACIM). When I allow the Spirit to be in control and am focusing on the NOW without the filters of my past, the common response I receive from those around me is that I don’t really understand or I don’t really care about what’s going on. People around me are confusing my dealing with the NOW as an approval of the situation or person.

Dealing with life on life’s terms means dealing with the situation or person in front of me by focusing on myself and my attitudes. If I do that, just as in an AA meeting, I begin to see a little of myself in all the others. I begin to hear a little of myself in the words of others. Watching stories about ISIS/ISIL I begin to see what could very well occur if I allowed my sense of right-ness to consume me. Seeing the fears and frustrations of ALL the actors in Ferguson allows me to see the same common fears or frustrations inside me. My “outside” actions/behaviors may be very different – the FORM may be different – but the CONTENT is very, very similar.

My ego sees Form AS Content; the Holy Spirit sees only Content. Form is meaningless. Content is either a type of love or a type of fear. To the Holy Spirit the difference between a hateful thought and a beheading is negligible. To my ego the difference in Form is exceptionally significant. But the Spirit’s reality is that hate is hate, fear is fear, anger is anger. It is of my ego – regardless of Form.

It is the reality of that age-old AA adage: “There, but for the grace of God, go I.” Consequently, I find myself often saddened, not angry. I find myself often humbled, not fearful. As I mentioned earlier, the typical reaction to that response is I do not understand or I do not care or I approve of what happened or I have become a doormat. Not true! I simply am trying to be willing to accept and learning to see myself a little (or a lot!) in my acceptance.

As I’ve said to myself and in these messages over and over, it’s not what’s “out there” that bothers me. It is how I perceive what’s “out there.” Do I see the other as an attacker or as another version of me? Do I see the situation as an aggravation or as an opportunity to see inside me? “I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and my attitudes.”

As it always is, it always is an inside job. I hope this helps.

Although these messages are mostly for me, thanks for listening. As always – feel free to forward this message to your friends, family, and those accompanying you on your spiritual journey.

I do hope you had a happy and peaceful Thanksgiving.

Don

#5 November 2014

Copyright, 2014

PS: I am on assignment next week so there will be no message.

Understanding My Special Relationships

I had always thought a special relationship was the closest thing I could get to having a human experience that mimicked the perfect God-Human relationship. A special relationship was love and marriage, Rock Hudson and Doris Day, Frankie Avalon and Annette Funicello. But, that never worked for me. The closer I seemed to get to someone, the more intense and disturbing things became. The closer someone was to me, as I understood me, the more I was vulnerable and ended up being hurt, angry, disappointed or frustrated. My special relationships more closely resembled the movie, “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Wolff.”

What was going on? What was wrong with that picture?

In my recovering from alcoholism, I got a glimpse of what was wrong. I heard people in AA meetings say over and over: “We don’t have relationships. We take hostages.” Everyone would laugh. Then, as I began to write my Fourth Step (“… an honest moral inventory of myself…”), I began to discover how true that adage had been for me.

In the end all my relationships had been all about me – all about being the perfect giver of love and nurture and, in doing that, being in control. In short, my relationships had been all about self-image and self-satisfaction. They never lasted very long. I would begin to run out of gas. I would try to be an occasional receiver of love and nurture – but I didn’t know how to ask for love and nurture and, by definition, the one I was in a relationship with was someone who didn’t know how to give love and nurture. In my mind the perfect special relationship was one where I HAD to be the “giver” and she HAD to be the “receiver.” That’s how my control was intended to work and, when it stopped working, the relationship always crashed and burned.

After almost 20 years in my current rrelationship, I’m still discovering portions of that lesson I still need to revisit.

In A Course in Miracles (ACIM) specialness and a special relationship are defined as: [Specialness is] “The idea of being set apart from others and set above others. Having more or being more than others. Specialness is the great payoff promised by the ego. We seek [specialness] in our special relationships, where others give us special love and their special selves…. We seek [specialness] with our body, adorning our body in order to attract [specialness]. We also seek it by accumulating idols…. All ways of seeking [specialness] involve attack, for specialness requires that others must be beneath us….  A [special] relationship [is] based on the pursuit of specialness, in which we try to (a) have a special arrangement (an exclusive relationship) with and (b) receive special treatment from (c) a very special person so that (d) we can feel more special…. To keep our allegiance, the ego must provide something that offers a semblance of the love we really want, yet is still of the ego….

“We can describe this relationship in stages: 1. First we search for a person different from the rest, one who is more special…. 2. Then we offer him special behaviors and gifts that give him our specialness and, ultimately, give him our ‘self.’ These ‘gifts,’ however, are attacks designed to make her guilty and so induce her to give her ‘self’ in return. 3. We (almost certainly) do not receive from him the specialness we think we paid for, so we resort increasingly to taking vengeance on him for not reciprocating….”   [Robert Perry, Glossary of Terms from A Course in Miracles, Circle Publishing, 1996]

I don’t know about you, but those definitions of “Specialness” and “Special Relationships” have pegged me right where it hurts. It was as if Robert Perry looked into my soul and concluded: “Don provides a pretty generic and accurate description of everything there is about Specialness and its Relationships.”

The definition of a Special Relationship continues, however, with a fourth stage, which states: “The Holy Spirit, however, would not deprive us of these relationships or have us throw them away. He would transform them into holy relationships through forgiveness…. [Our special relationships] are holy relationships-in-training…,” if we are but willing to turn them over to the Holy Spirit.

In Alcoholics Anonymous the Big Book [page 417] discusses much the same thing: “Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation – some fact of my life – unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and my attitudes.” [From the story entitled: Acceptance Was The Answer]

Bottomline? As I’ve said to myself and in these messages over and over, it’s not what’s “out there” that bothers me. It is how I perceive what’s “out there.” Do I see the other as an attacker or as another version of me? Do I see the situation as an aggravation or as an opportunity to see inside me? Do I respond or react?

As it always is, it always is an inside job.

Although these messages are mostly for me, thanks for listening. As always – feel free to forward this message to your friends, family, and those accompanying you on your spiritual journey.

Don

#4 November 2014

Copyright, 2014