Saturday, November 8, 2014

Dealing With The Unreality Of My Fear

I’m very glad our elections are over. I’m very glad – whether I’m hearing a conservative or a progressive pundit – that I no longer have to listen to predictions that the sky is falling, our world is ruined and all hope is lost. I’m very glad the fear mongering is over – at least I hope it is for a while.
I do understand fear is a great motivator. I do not understand why those who want to be political leaders purposefully feel they must frighten the crap out of me.
This world I see is not the real world. It is the world of my creation being reflected back at me. It is like looking in a mirror and wanting to blame the mirror for making me view this unsightly mess. That’s not what I want to do. But that is what I do. That’s why I feel sick to my stomach – literally and figuratively – when I’m in one of these fearful episodes.
I understand that fear is the most difficult emotion for me to control while I continue to keep my focus on the fact that I am an already-loved spirit having a human experience. I am not a human, fighting all my fears in my outside-of-me world, in order to “save my eternal soul.” I am not who I think I am. I am already eternal. I am already loved. I am already light.  I am already at peace.  
I do have a sense of knowing this. It’s not an intellectual knowing. It’s an experiential knowing. I cannot explain it – I simply know it.
However, as I listen and watch the purposeful and intended incitement of fear and doubt when discussions are about the elections, about Ebola, about ISIL/ISIS, about the economy, about same-sex marriage, or about voter suppression, it becomes very difficult for me to deal with the unreality of my fear. It is both a fear of the messages as well as of the messengers.
Some have suggested that I not listen to the news at all. But isn’t that like sticking my head into the sand and pretending it isn’t there? For me pretending is not the same as dealing with the unreality of my fear. Walking around my house looking at little yellow “stickies” proclaiming positive affirmations (Fear is the opposite of Faith; Faith is merely Fear that has said its prayers) is not the same as finding my true center and enjoying the peace and serenity of being there.
So – why can’t I go there with more regularity?
I believe it’s because I have gotten so used to my fear it has become a type of addiction. I remember a bumper sticker that proclaimed: “If you are not frightened, you are not paying attention.” If I’m not frightened I’m not aware. If I’m not frightened I’m pretending. If I’m really frightened I’m really alive. That’s the emotional hook. My fear has become this kind of addiction.
Yet, when I do sit and center myself in meditation or with readings from A Course In Miracles (ACIM), I experience the peace, calm and truth that I know I am. Then my monkey mind leaps up and shouts for attention. I acknowledge it and it abates – only to repeat, over and over again. Sometimes I persevere. Sometimes I succumb. Then the literal and figurative sick-to-my-stomach sense of failure overwhelms me.
I wish I could state that each time I go through this cycle of fear it gets easier and of shorter duration. It would be nice, as the author of these messages, if I could present my strength and confidence. As of today, however, I cannot state that. I wish I could, but that’d be a lie. All I can do is share my ugly honest truth today.
Bottomline: I get through these fearful episodes by going through these episodes.
Take heart. This too shall pass.
Although these messages are mostly for me, thanks for listening. As always – feel free to forward this message to your friends, family, and those accompanying you on your spiritual journey.
#2 November 2014

Copyright, 2014

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