Describing of My Unforgiving Self

Several days ago I did Lesson 121 in A Course in Miracles (ACIM). In ACIM the act of forgiveness is understanding there is no “sin” against God. After all, I am truly an already-loved eternal spirit living in the mind of God, I am not a separate human being that houses, somewhere, an eternal soul. There is only error based on false egoic perceptions. AA old-timers state: “The easiest way to forgive is to not blame in the first place.” I think it’s the same essential message.

LESSON 121:  Forgiveness is the key to happiness

1 Here is the answer to your search for peace. Here is the key to meaning in a world that seems to make no sense. Here is the way to safety [from] dangers that appear to threaten you at every turn, and bring uncertainty to all your hopes of ever finding quietness and peace….

2 The unforgiving [egoic] mind is full of fear, and offers love no room to be itself; no place where it can spread its wings in peace and soar above the turmoil of the world. The unforgiving mind is sad, without the hope of respite and release from pain. It suffers and abides in misery, peering about in darkness, seeing not, yet certain of the danger lurking there.

3 The unforgiving mind is torn with doubt, confused about itself and all it sees; afraid and angry, weak and blustering, afraid to go ahead, afraid to stay, afraid to waken or to go to sleep, afraid of every sound, yet more afraid of stillness; terrified of darkness, yet more terrified at the approach of light….

4 The unforgiving mind sees no mistakes, but only sins. It looks upon the world with sightless eyes, and shrieks as it beholds its own projections rising to attack its miserable parody of life. It wants to live, yet wishes it were dead. It wants forgiveness, yet it sees no hope. It wants escape, yet can conceive of none because it sees the sinful everywhere.

5 The unforgiving mind is in despair, without the prospect of a future, which can offer anything but more despair. Yet it regards its judgment of the world as irreversible, and does not see it has condemned itself to this despair. It thinks it cannot change, for what it sees bears witness that its judgment is correct. It does not ask, because it thinks it knows. It does not question, certain it is right.

6 Forgiveness is acquired. It is not inherent in the mind which cannot sin. As sin is an idea you taught yourself, forgiveness must be learned by you as well, but from a Teacher other than yourself, Who represents the other Self in you. Through Him you learn how to forgive the self you think you made, and let it disappear. Thus you return your mind as one to Him Who is your Self and Who can never sin.

Yet, I fight this concept at times. I just don’t want to do it. Why? What do I have to give up to get this kind of peace and serenity? Perhaps …

·      The joy of blaming

·      The fantasy of winning the lottery or achieving fame and glory

·      The self-righteous superiority I feel when I believe I’m right

·      The belief that my anger, fear and distrust are justified because I see anger, fear and distrust (not understanding that I’m just seeing what I’m projecting).

The Lesson goes on to instruct me to go inward and bathe in the light and peace I find there. While at that place, forgive someone I dislike and notice how the light of forgiveness “splashes” onto me as well. Then do the same with someone I like.

So, I went to my “holy” place within me and stood in front of the calmimg white light that I know is my True Self. I have done this before, but – for the first time – I sensed a connection with a Being – not just the Light and its Peacefulness. I also sensed He communicated with me: I sensed Him smile.

I said, “Hello,”

He said, “I wait for you.”

I said, “What do you do?”

He said, “I am.” Again, He smiled and said, “I wait for you.”

Then I smiled.

I noticed that in earlier lessons and visits to this holy place in me, I remained something/someone different than the bathed-in-Light-Self I encountered. But, for the first time I felt like I and He were both face-to -face and alive. I know I am not finding the correct words to use – but I wasn’t “alone” in front of Him. I was together “with” Him.

After this short meeting with my Self, I promptly dozed off.

I still get goose-bumps when I think of this. I found it very enjoyable. I was very relaxed.

I just wanted to share this experience with you.

As I’ve stated before, “I have to understand, on a visceral level, who the “Me” or “I” really is when I am speaking or thinking. The “I” that says to myself, “I really need a newer, more reliable car” is a different “I” than the one that says to Spirit, “I can’t do this anymore; help me perceive things the way You see them.”

Although these messages are mostly for me, thanks for listening to me and getting to know me – warts and all. As always, feel free to forward this message to your friends, family, and those accompanying you on your spiritual journey.

Don

#1 May 2017

Copyright 2017

How Is Peace Possible In This World?

There is a great deal of anxiety, doubt and fear following the election and watching Mr. Trump announce his pick for cabinet posts. A naturopathic healer we know, trust and refer to for assistance told my wife how many people she knows – from her own practice, as well as practices of other physicians, therapists and healers – that are suffering from this anxiety and the stress it causes: sleeplessness, digestive issues, heart palpitations, inability to focus on even routine tasks, etc. I, too, have noticed some of these symptoms.

Then, in our most recent weekly Course In Miracles (ACIM) meeting, we studied in the Manual for Teachers the 11^th of 29 topics entitled. “How Is Peace Possible In This World.” That was associated with the Workbook lessons associated with topic 13: “What Is A Miracle.” These two selections blessed me right where I hurt. Perhaps they will bless you too.

Quotes from these passages follow, but the underlined emphases are mine:

11.  HOW IS PEACE POSSIBLE IN THIS WORLD?

1 This is a question everyone must ask. Certainly peace seems to be impossible here. Yet the Word of God promises other things that seem impossible, as well as this. His Word has promised peace. It has also promised that there is no death, that resurrection must occur, and that rebirth is man's inheritance. The world you see cannot be the world God loves, and yet His Word assures us that He loves the world. God's Word has promised that peace is possible here, and what He promises can hardly be impossible. But it is true that the world must be looked at differently, if His promises are to be accepted. What the world is, is but a fact. You cannot choose what this should be. But you can choose how you would see it. Indeed, you must choose this.

2 Again we come to the question of judgment. This time ask yourself whether your judgment or the Word of God is more likely to be true. For they say different things about the world, and things so opposite that it is pointless to try to reconcile them. God offers the world salvation; your judgment would condemn it. God says there is no death; your judgment sees but death as the inevitable end of life. God's Word assures you that He loves the world; your judgment says it is unlovable. Who is right? For one of you is wrong. It must be so.

3 The text explains that the Holy Spirit is the Answer to all problems you have made. These problems are not real, but that is meaningless to those who believe in them. And everyone believes in what he made, for it was made by his believing it. Into this strange and paradoxical situation—one without meaning and devoid of sense, yet out of which no way seems possible—God has sent His Judgment to answer yours. Gently His Judgment substitutes for yours. And through this substitution is the un-understandable made understandable. How is peace possible in this world? In your judgment it is not possible, and can never be possible. But in the Judgment of God what is reflected here is only peace.

4 Peace is impossible to those who look on war. Peace is inevitable to those who offer peace. How easily, then, is your judgment of the world escaped! It is not the world that makes peace seem impossible. It is the world you see that is impossible. Yet has God's Judgment on this distorted world redeemed it and made it fit to welcome peace. And peace descends on it in joyous answer. Peace now belongs here, because a Thought of God has entered…. Now is the question different. It is no longer, "Can peace be possible in this world?" but instead, "Is it not impossible that peace be absent here?"

The Workbook For Students, which contains 365 lessons, is broken into two parts. Part II is organized around 14 Questions. The 13^th Question is “What is a Miracle.” Lessons 341-350 expand on that question, which address this stress and anxiety we all may be experiencing.

13. What is a Miracle?

1 A miracle is a correction. It does not create, nor really change at all. It merely looks on devastation, and reminds the mind that what it sees is false. It undoes error, but does not attempt to go beyond perception, nor exceed the function of forgiveness….

2 A miracle contains the gift of grace, for it is given and received as one. And thus it illustrates the law of truth the world does not obey, because it fails entirely to understand its ways. A miracle inverts perception, which was upside down before, and thus it ends the strange distortions that were manifest. Now is perception open to the truth. Now is forgiveness seen as justified.

3 Forgiveness is the home of miracles. The eyes of Christ deliver [miracles] to all they look upon in mercy and in love. Perception stands corrected in His sight, and what was meant to curse has come to bless. Each lily of forgiveness offers all the world the silent miracle of love….

4 The miracle is taken first on faith, because to ask for it implies the mind has been made ready to conceive of what it cannot see and does not understand. Yet faith will bring its witnesses to show that what it rested on is really there. And thus the miracle will justify your faith in it, and show it rested on a world more real than what you saw before; a world redeemed from what you thought was there.

5 Miracles fall like drops of healing rain from Heaven on a dry and dusty world, where starved and thirsty creatures come to die. Now they have water. Now the world is green. And everywhere the signs of life spring up, to show that what is born can never die, for what has life has immortality.

Subsequent lesson titles [344-347] elaborate on this Truth:

344. Today I learn the law of love; that what I give my brother is my gift to me.

345. I offer only miracles today, for I would have them be returned to me.

346. Today the peace of God envelops me, and I forget all things except His Love.

347. Anger must come from judgment. Judgment is the weapon I would use against myself, to keep the miracle away from me.

I hope this helps you as it helped me.

As I’ve stated before, “I have to understand, on a visceral level, who the “Me” or “I” really is when I am speaking or thinking. The “I” that says to myself, “I really need a newer, more reliable car” is a different “I” than the one that says to Spirit, “I can’t do this anymore; help me perceive things the way You see them.”

Although these messages are mostly for me, thanks for listening to me and getting to know me – warts and all. As always, feel free to forward this message to your friends, family, and those accompanying you on your spiritual journey.

Don

#2 Dec 2016

Copyright 2016

Mental Catastrophes

Recently, I was re-reading a small booklet be Emmet Fox called The Mental Equivalent. Emmet Fox was a popular speaker in the early 1920s.  From Wikipedia: [He was] “was a New Thought spiritual leader of the early 20th century, famous for his large Divine Science church services held in New York City during the Great Depression.” He was closely associated, through some of his staff, with the growing AA movement under Bill W[ilson] and Dr. Bob.

His discussion of the mental equivalent was a good reminder of several things:

1) Truth is Truth. Regardless of whether I am studying Christian theology, Buddhism, Islamic Sufism, literature from Alcoholics Anonymous, New Thought material, or A Course in Miracles (ACIM), the same thoughts appear over and over, e.g., the Golden Rule (Do unto others …), and the power of our thoughts.

2) I can comprehend the common theme of how truly powerful our minds are. According to Fox, he saw this 3-D world as a mental world. The physical follows the mental. I can find this in Christianity, Buddhism, AA and ACIM. As I stated last week: “When I change the way I look at things, the things I look at change.”

This is simply Truth.

This is a rather short message because I have to be out of town for a week or so. There will be no message next week. As a result, I want to leave you with a thought I heard at an AA meeting last week. The speaker believed it was attributed to Mark Twain. The person shared:“These past few months have not been good for me. I’ve been beset by hundreds of catastrophes that were truly horrible – a few actually happened.”

We all belly-laughed. It was funny because we had all been there – done that – do that.  

Our minds create realities that are seemingly real, but Truth tells me love or acceptance is the only reality. My mind rarely creates only love and acceptance. It usually creates chaos, insecurity, anxiety, fear, and anger. What about you?

As I’ve stated before, “I have to understand, on a visceral level, who the “Me” or “I” really is when I am speaking or thinking. The “I” that says to myself, “I really need a newer, more reliable car” is a different “I” than the one that says to my Holy Spirit, “I can’t do this anymore; help me perceive things the way You see them.”

Although these messages are mostly for me, thanks for listening to me and getting to know me – warts and all. As always, feel free to forward this message to your friends, family, and those accompanying you on your spiritual journey.

Don

#3 Aug 2016

Copyright 2016

Do Rather Than Think

There is a significant saying in Alcoholics Anonymous that has been very important to me in my recovery: “You don’t think yourself into a new way of living. You live yourself into a new way of thinking.” That message has been so very, very true for me for a very, very long time.

I have known many people in spiritual programs (such as meditation groups or A Course in Miracles (ACIM), e.g.) or in AA that focus their attention on understanding the intellectual concepts of a lesson, but never actually start trying to do anything differently. They understand the Twelve Steps, but never start them. They understand the importance of getting and using a sponsor, but never call them. They understand the importance of sharing honestly in a meeting, but always take a pass when they are called on to share. A corollary to the above AA adage is “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.”

We have a good friend who wanted to get in the stock market. We told her how we investigated market opportunities. She did that and came back with a list of potential companies and funds to invest in. We suggested she bounce that list off her financial advisor. She did, telling us “He said these were all very solid investments.” We were pleased for her. We ran into her several months later and asked her how the recent up-market was treating her investments. She said, “Well, I never really placed my order.”

This is sort of like the guy who announced: “I’ve belonged to a gym for the past 5 years and haven’t lost a pound. Apparently, I have to go and exercise.”

This message sounds like so much of a no-brainer, but it is amazing to me how often this happens – even to me still after almost 30 years of recovery: I don’t think myself into a new way of living; I live myself into a new way of thinking! I was viscerally reminded of this at our last ACIM meeting. We were reading the Introduction to the Workbook for Students. In that introduction the Course states (emphasis mine):

1 A theoretical foundation such as the text provides is necessary as a framework to make the exercises in this workbook meaningful. Yet it is doing the exercises that will make the goal of the course possible….

4 The purpose of the workbook is to train your mind in a systematic way to a different perception of everyone and everything in the world. The exercises are planned to help you generalize the lessons, so that you will understand that each of them is equally applicable to everyone and everything you see….

6 The only general rules to be observed throughout, then, are: First, that the exercises be practiced with great specificity, as will be indicated…. Second, be sure that you do not decide for yourself that there are some people, situations or things to which the ideas are inapplicable…. The very nature of true perception is that it has no limits. It is the opposite of the way you see now….

8 Some of the ideas the workbook presents you will find hard to believe, and others may seem to be quite startling. This does not matter…. You are not asked to judge them at all. You are asked only to use them….

9 Remember only this; you need not believe the ideas, you need not accept them, and you need not even welcome them. Some of them you may actively resist. None of this will matter, or decrease their efficacy. But do not allow yourself to make exceptions in applying the ideas the workbook contains, and whatever your reactions to the ideas may be, use them. Nothing more than that is required.

Simple. Straightforward. Clear.

But….

“I really don’t want to be that disciplined,” I say. “I’m always inconsistent when doing things like this,” I think to myself. “I always seem to lose interest,” I comment to myself.  So I often conclude: “Oh well! Maybe I’ll start the Lessons next year.”

But the introduction is clear – Don’t think about the lessons. Don’t agree with them. Don’t argue with them. Don’t analyze them, looking for their hidden meanings. Just DO them!

Old-timers in AA told me: “Just refuse a drink today. Just go to a meeting and share honestly. Just get a sponsor and work the steps. Just say a daily prayer for sobriety and guidance in the morning and say a prayer of gratitude at bedtime. Do these simple things and your life will change. Trust us.” I did and it worked.

So, why do I still resist similar suggestions in ACIM? I know it has something to do with my fears. Exactly what it is will come to me when I’m ready and willing.

Thank God I’m still a work in progress.

As I’ve stated before, “I have to understand, on a visceral level, who the “Me” or “I” really is when I am speaking or thinking. The “I” that says to myself, “I really need a newer, more reliable car” is a different “I” than the one that says to my Holy Spirit, “I can’t do this anymore; help me perceive things the way You see them.”

Although these messages are mostly for me, thanks for listening to me and getting to know me – warts and all. As always, feel free to forward this message to your friends, family, and those accompanying you on your spiritual journey.

Don

#4 Jun 2016

Copyright 2016