Describing of My Unforgiving Self

Several days ago I did Lesson 121 in A Course in Miracles (ACIM). In ACIM the act of forgiveness is understanding there is no “sin” against God. After all, I am truly an already-loved eternal spirit living in the mind of God, I am not a separate human being that houses, somewhere, an eternal soul. There is only error based on false egoic perceptions. AA old-timers state: “The easiest way to forgive is to not blame in the first place.” I think it’s the same essential message.

LESSON 121:  Forgiveness is the key to happiness

1 Here is the answer to your search for peace. Here is the key to meaning in a world that seems to make no sense. Here is the way to safety [from] dangers that appear to threaten you at every turn, and bring uncertainty to all your hopes of ever finding quietness and peace….

2 The unforgiving [egoic] mind is full of fear, and offers love no room to be itself; no place where it can spread its wings in peace and soar above the turmoil of the world. The unforgiving mind is sad, without the hope of respite and release from pain. It suffers and abides in misery, peering about in darkness, seeing not, yet certain of the danger lurking there.

3 The unforgiving mind is torn with doubt, confused about itself and all it sees; afraid and angry, weak and blustering, afraid to go ahead, afraid to stay, afraid to waken or to go to sleep, afraid of every sound, yet more afraid of stillness; terrified of darkness, yet more terrified at the approach of light….

4 The unforgiving mind sees no mistakes, but only sins. It looks upon the world with sightless eyes, and shrieks as it beholds its own projections rising to attack its miserable parody of life. It wants to live, yet wishes it were dead. It wants forgiveness, yet it sees no hope. It wants escape, yet can conceive of none because it sees the sinful everywhere.

5 The unforgiving mind is in despair, without the prospect of a future, which can offer anything but more despair. Yet it regards its judgment of the world as irreversible, and does not see it has condemned itself to this despair. It thinks it cannot change, for what it sees bears witness that its judgment is correct. It does not ask, because it thinks it knows. It does not question, certain it is right.

6 Forgiveness is acquired. It is not inherent in the mind which cannot sin. As sin is an idea you taught yourself, forgiveness must be learned by you as well, but from a Teacher other than yourself, Who represents the other Self in you. Through Him you learn how to forgive the self you think you made, and let it disappear. Thus you return your mind as one to Him Who is your Self and Who can never sin.

Yet, I fight this concept at times. I just don’t want to do it. Why? What do I have to give up to get this kind of peace and serenity? Perhaps …

·      The joy of blaming

·      The fantasy of winning the lottery or achieving fame and glory

·      The self-righteous superiority I feel when I believe I’m right

·      The belief that my anger, fear and distrust are justified because I see anger, fear and distrust (not understanding that I’m just seeing what I’m projecting).

The Lesson goes on to instruct me to go inward and bathe in the light and peace I find there. While at that place, forgive someone I dislike and notice how the light of forgiveness “splashes” onto me as well. Then do the same with someone I like.

So, I went to my “holy” place within me and stood in front of the calmimg white light that I know is my True Self. I have done this before, but – for the first time – I sensed a connection with a Being – not just the Light and its Peacefulness. I also sensed He communicated with me: I sensed Him smile.

I said, “Hello,”

He said, “I wait for you.”

I said, “What do you do?”

He said, “I am.” Again, He smiled and said, “I wait for you.”

Then I smiled.

I noticed that in earlier lessons and visits to this holy place in me, I remained something/someone different than the bathed-in-Light-Self I encountered. But, for the first time I felt like I and He were both face-to -face and alive. I know I am not finding the correct words to use – but I wasn’t “alone” in front of Him. I was together “with” Him.

After this short meeting with my Self, I promptly dozed off.

I still get goose-bumps when I think of this. I found it very enjoyable. I was very relaxed.

I just wanted to share this experience with you.

As I’ve stated before, “I have to understand, on a visceral level, who the “Me” or “I” really is when I am speaking or thinking. The “I” that says to myself, “I really need a newer, more reliable car” is a different “I” than the one that says to Spirit, “I can’t do this anymore; help me perceive things the way You see them.”

Although these messages are mostly for me, thanks for listening to me and getting to know me – warts and all. As always, feel free to forward this message to your friends, family, and those accompanying you on your spiritual journey.

Don

#1 May 2017

Copyright 2017

Easter and Me – and You, Too

I hope each of you had a wonderful Easter, which was celebrated while I was away.

A Course In Miracles (ACIM)’s Lesson 106 in the Workbook for Students is titled: Let me be still and listen to the truth.

I believe this is the quiet whisper you’ve heard me write about if you’ve gotten my messages before. (If this is your first message, go to my website www.DonODell.com and subscribe. There are no advertisements and it is easy to unsubscribe.) Hearing these whispers is what it means to me to truly understand that I am an already-loved eternal spirit having a human experience rather than being a human body that has housed, somewhere, an eternal soul.

I believe this passage is related to the resurrection. In the vernacular the resurrection is about the rising of Jesus’ body, which proved to believers He was divine. In ACIM, however, Jesus says it is about the rising of the mind from the ego’s dream of frailty, pain, fear and death to the awareness of eternal life or from the insanity of the ego to a perfectly healed perception. In this healed state I will perceive everything as acts of love or calls for love. Jesus’ resurrection was the proof, not of his divinity, but of the indestructibility of true, spirit-filled Life. His bodily reappearance was a symbol of the fact that true resurrection is of the mind and, thus, it is about the disappearance of the body as a real thing – rather than a magical reappearance.

When I touch base in quietness with my true Self – that innermost part of me – I am in the presence of my already-loved spirit: the real me. From that place I understand there is that place in you, as well. In that place we are One. The separateness we think is so real has vanished into thin air! The peace and serenity I feel is palpable and quite overwhelming. In that instant, there is no time, nor space. That is the reality of the Love of God. That is who I really am. However, I sense it only briefly. It is not a once-and-done exercise. I have also had similar experiences in AA, feeling absolutely connected, on a spiritual level, to all in the room.

Wherever I experience it, it is wonderful!

Lesson 106 states: “1 If you will lay aside the ego's voice, however loudly it may seem to call; if you will not accept its petty gifts that give you nothing that you really want; if you will listen with an open mind, that has not told you what salvation is; then you will hear the mighty Voice of truth, quiet in power, strong in stillness, and completely certain in Its messages.

2 Listen, and hear your Father speak to you through His appointed Voice, which silences the thunder of the meaningless, and shows the way to peace to those who cannot see. Be still today and listen to the truth. Be not deceived by voices of the dead, which tell you they have found the source of life and offer it to you for your belief. Attend them not, but listen to the truth.

3 Be not afraid to circumvent the voices of the world. Walk lightly past their meaningless persuasion. Hear them not. Be still today and listen to the truth. Go past all things which do not speak of Him Who holds your happiness within His Hand, held out to you in welcome and in love. Hear only Him today, and do not wait to reach Him longer. Hear one Voice today.

4 … His miracles are true. They will not fade when dreaming ends. They end the dream instead; and last forever, for they come from God to His dear Son, whose other name is you….

From my book, How the Bible became the Bible, p. 82-3: The Prophet Elijah [circa 9th century b.c.e.]. “Known as Elijah, the Tishbite from the northern kingdom…. He lived during the time when Ahab, King of the northern kingdom (Israel) married Jezebel, a Phoenician and worshipper of Baal….

“Elijah was known throughout his life as a champion of the “little people.” In the narrative of Naboth’s vineyard (1 Kings 21) we can visualize Elijah standing strongly against Ahab and all the subtle (and not so subtle) messages of the king’s wife, Jezebel—shrewd and calculating as the emissary of the Phoenician god Baal. When Ahab comes to take the vineyard, Elijah confronts him with the terrible word of doom from Yahweh. Elijah is supporting this common peasant against a king. His passion for fearless support of the “little man” is deeply rooted in the religion of Yahweh—very similar to Nathan’s condemnation of King David over his theft of Uriah’s wife, Bathsheba (2 Sam. 11–12).

“Secondly, of course, is Elijah’s challenge to the prophets of Baal on Mount Carmel. Elijah, with Yahweh on his side, challenged Phoenician priests, with their god Baal on their side, to a “duel of the gods.” For Elijah this was a “fall on your sword” issue….

“However, an interesting and touching note: Following this highly dramatic pyrotechnic confrontation, Jezebel, the queen, threatened Elijah. He feared for his life and hid in the mountains looking for the Lord to protect him. He looked in an earthquake, in mighty winds, in fire. He finally heard the “… still, small voice …” of the Lord (1 Kings 19: 9–14).” This, of course, is also reminiscent of Psalm 46:10 – “Be still and know that I am God.”

All I need to de is be truly willing to see things differently and ask the Holy Spirit (the voice for God in ACIM) to help me develop a different perception, I just need to be willing and to be still and listen, not to the loud voices of my ego, but to the quiet whispers of the Lord. Just like Elijah. Just like the Psalmist.

As I’ve stated before, “I have to understand, on a visceral level, who the “Me” or “I” really is when I am speaking or thinking. The “I” that says to myself, “I really need a newer, more reliable car” is a different “I” than the one that says to Spirit, “I can’t do this anymore; help me perceive things the way You see them.”

Although these messages are mostly for me, thanks for listening to me and getting to know me – warts and all. As always, feel free to forward this message to your friends, family, and those accompanying you on your spiritual journey.

Don

#2 Apr 2017

Copyright 2017

Looking In All The Wrong Places For God

We have all been in situations where some tragedy has befallen someone we love. Perhaps a child has been hit by a car and is clinging to life after emergency surgery. Perhaps we have witnessed global military atrocities and pray for them to stop. We see refugees fleeing from organized governmental terror only to sit inside baking tents watching their children slowly die of starvation. We want that to be stopped. So we pray for these reasonable and compassionate outcomes. However, we will always end our prayers with some form of the phrase “… if it be Thy will.”

For so many of us we pray to the God of our understanding that His will be done – but in the back of our minds we know what it is we think Her will should be. If we look at scripture and review our favorite passages, then we think we KNOW what God’s actions should be. In fact we believe we have been spiritual enough or religious enough that our wills have been conformed to God’s will.

My friend, Michael Z (MichaelZ@thewisdomoftherooms.com) in one of his weekly posts states, “… The harder I tried to control people, places and things presuming God’s will was in alignment with mine, the more uncontrollable my life became.“ He went on to describe how much more resentful, aggravated, disappointed, frustrated and angry he found himself. Nothing, not even God, was working in his favor. Where was his serenity as a result of working this closely with this God of his understanding?

Last week I wrote about my doing AA’s Twelve Steps and that now I am doing A Course In Miracles (ACIM’s) daily Lessons from the Workbook for Students. The emphasis I placed in last week’s message was in the doing! I have done ACIM’s lessons before, but this year I have done them with more earnestness – maybe because of the Trump phenomenon or maybe because I am really ready. “When the student is ready, the teaching (or teacher) appears.” I don’t know which reason it is and I don’t really care, because it doesn’t really matter to me.

What does matter is that I am doing the Lessons – not just reading them or reading the commentaries on them and concluding. “Well, that makes sense. I think I am getting the gist of this.” I am doing them. Just like doing the Twelve Steps transformed my life, doing these Lessons is having a profound effect on me.

The other day, I was at my pharmacy to pick up a prescription and they hadn’t received it yet from my doctor. I went to the doctor’s office, mentioned this to them and they took care of it then – apologizing for the delay. I went back to the pharmacy about 2 hours later and it still wasn’t ready. However, as I was standing in front of the clerk I was thinking, “He is doing his job. I can see in his face he is getting aggravated with the customer in front of him (and ahead of of me).” As I walked up, I thought of the short version of the day’s Lesson and from somewhere in the recesses of my mind, came the words, “Sometimes, dealing with unruly customers, I have found my patience stretched to the limit. You handled that very well.” He smiled and I told him about the prescription I was expecting. It wasn’t there. “Oh,” I said. “It should be.” “I tell you what,” he said. “I see we have received it. It is somewhere in the queue. If you have something else to shop for, please go do that and I’ll find your prescription and get it bumped up and filled. Can you come back in 10 minutes?” “Okay. I do have something else to get. I’ll be back shortly.”

As I walked away to go get what I needed, I noticed people were smiling back at me. All over the store. Every aisle I was in. I came back. The prescription was ready. I thanked him for his effort, and he said, “It’s been a real pleasure. It’s really a good job I have. I’m very thankful for it. Have a great day, sir.”

I left and went on to a lawn/garden/hardware store to get some pelletized lime for my yard. I asked where they had moved it because it wasn’t in its usual spot. The clerk said “Oh, I’m sorry. We are out and haven’t received the new batch yet.” A passing clerk stopped and related, “It just came in. They are putting the pallets in place right now. Come on. I’ll show you.” The second clerk went behind the temporary barriers they had set up, and got my five bags. On my way to the checkout counter, I saw a guy I had just met several days earlier who was in line ahead of me. We chatted for a moment and he motioned for me to go ahead of him, since he had much more stuff than I.

I came home a told my wife it had been a perfect day. There was no conflict. All problems that arose had been successfully resolved. No sullen faces – all smiles. No anger. No frustration. Just serenity. I was a very happy camper.

All this seemingly mundane stuff was the work of the Holy Spirit in ways I had never imagined. Working the Steps of AA changed my life in ways I never could have imagined. Rather than trying to force my will to be in concert with what I believe should be God’s will, I can just silently ask God to help me see what I am looking at in terms of acts of love or calls for love. When my perception changes, the day changes. When my perception changes, people change. When my perception changes, the results change. I normally would have looked at the pharmacy clerk and resented that I was going to get him while he was still angry with the previous customer. Instead, I saw a young man trying to be courteous and helpful – and it made all the difference in the world.

Small things. Unexpected things – in me and in all those I was meeting.

I try hard not to convince myself what it is that God would have me do. When I don’t do that, I confuse what I think I want God to tell me with what I think God’s will is. And, even though it may be high-sounding, it is all still of my ego. Felix. In the meantime, God is doing what He is doing and if I remain looking through Felix’s eyes, I will never see my Higher Power at work in my life – even if I think it’s mundane.

As I’ve stated before, “I have to understand, on a visceral level, who the “Me” or “I” really is when I am speaking or thinking. The “I” that says to myself, “I really need a newer, more reliable car” is a different “I” than the one that says to Spirit, “I can’t do this anymore; help me perceive things the way You see them.”

Although these messages are mostly for me, thanks for listening to me and getting to know me – warts and all. As always, feel free to forward this message to your friends, family, and those accompanying you on your spiritual journey.

Don

#4 Mar 2017

Copyright 2017

Addendum to: “Reacting From Fear…”

Yesterday (March 11) I sent out Message 2 for the Month. It was entitled “Reacting From Fear/Anger or Responding From Love.” In that message I was trying to describe the difference it makes when I slightly begin to see with spiritual vision rather than physical, egoic sight.

Today, Sunday March 12, I was in the sunshine on a crisp cold day in eastern Tennessee reading a new-to-me novel. It contained a passage that verbally painted a secular picture of this spiritual phenomenon. I found the book last weekend in a thrift store. The title is: “The Twilight of Courage” by Bodie and Brock Thoene [Thomas Nelson Publishers, 1994].

The passage is describing the return to England by an American AP press reporter (Josephine – aka Josie) who had been trapped in Warsaw, Poland as the Nazi army stormed and devastated that country in 1939. She was escorted out and finally caught a boat from Amsterdam to Southhampton, England, where she was met by a fellow reporter named Alma.

The horrors Josie witnessed, as the German Wehrmacht followed by Nazi Waffen SS units, decimated the city and its people, were indescribable: rotting, dead and dying civilians, livestock, and pets; destroyed churches, mosques, and synagogues; purposeful bombing of civilian buildings of safety – municipal buildings, museums, opera houses, and block after block of residential areas.

Her last conversations were with a Catholic nun, Sister Angeline, as they desperately tried to assuage the suffering of victims in the Cathedral of Saint John in Warsaw. Then the roof began to collapse after the strike of yet another shell. It killed Sister  Angeline.

Alma has been pestering Josie for information by asking her questions like “What was it like?” and ”How did you manage?” and “Why didn’t you bring your luggage?”

[From pages 41-42 – italics are in the original text] “Alma’s mindless chatter grated like fingernails on a blackboard.  The final words of Sister Angelina echoed in Josie’s mind. No man limps because the foot of another man is injured. England will not come to help us, Josephine. They will not think of us again once we are buried. To do so would make them ashamed. But you? Leave this place with joy in you heart, daughter. You will never see the world as you saw it before. You will find God’s presence in ways you had not imagined.

“They stepped out into the sunlight. For the first time Josie felt the glory of all that was ordinary: church steeples and slate rooftops standing as they had for hundreds of years, the tangle of chimney pots.

“The unbroken skyline of the city gleamed in russet hues: brown brick, red brick, black brick. The day throbbed with color. A seagull cried as it soared overhead. The air smelled of ocean and the musty scent of leaves about to drop from the trees. Autumn would soon arrive in England. There was a wonderful living aroma. Had Josie ever really noticed before? And if she had noticed, had she tried to define what made it so spectacular? She was suddenly filled with an exquisite joy.

“’What is wrong with you?’ Alma grumped.

“’It’s lovely here. So ordinary.’

“’Lovely warehouses? Lovely seagull droppings? Lovely screaming American tourists stumbling out of taxis?’

“’Yes, I suppose.’

Alma could not comprehend. She had not yet witnessed the world turned upside down. She had not breathed the air in Warsaw, and so she could not know the sweet air of England, even in ordinary Southhampton, was something holy. How could she understand what had happened to Josephine? Drawing a breath in safety had become an act of worship.

“’I’m really thankful to be alive, Alma,’ Josie said in a tone so serious that it made Alma laugh. Her laughter did not matter.

“’Well, so am I!’

“Josie stopped her on the sidewalk at the end of the taxi queue. ‘No. I mean . .  . I am truly glad I was in Warsaw. Glad I got left behind. That I met all those people…. It’s okay. I’m different, you know? Nothing to worry about. I mean . . . I am thankful.’”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Seeing with gratitude is seeing with love – with vision. It’s responding rather than reacting. As I closed yesterday’s message, I can close this addendum: “These are the moments of unity we need to focus on, the collateral beauty in the midst of chaos….”

Although these messages are mostly for me, thanks for listening to me and getting to know me – warts and all. As always, feel free to forward this message to your friends, family, and those accompanying you on your spiritual journey.

Don

#2a Mar 2017

Copyright 2017