How Do I Know I Know Grace?

I’ve had a lot of responses to my several messages about the tension between my personal growth, while on my solitary spiritual path, and living my life within combinations of group or pluralistic settings, which is where I personally receive my spiritual sustenance. Comments like:

• ·      “Can’t I just go out and sit in the woods where I feel at one with Nature?”
• ·      “I get this feeling of the Truth of the Spirit while I’m in church on Sunday – the services are always so uplifting.”
• ·      Or my 98-year old aunt who went to a church where the only music was a cappella congregational singing: “It wasn’t a real church service, Donnie. There was no music. Church without music isn’t church.”

I think people are looking for a spiritual experience - positive, familiar, uplifting – and they associate those feelings with the concepts of Salvation and Grace.

Some things I just know. And I know I know. How? I just do. It’s the difference between the two Greek words for “know.” One is oida, as in Mary “knows” arithmetic. The other is ginosko (from which we get gnosis), as in Mary “knows” me.

Gnosis: It’s not a rational knowing. It’s a visceral knowledge. I know (oida) I’m trying to discuss what I cannot explain and it’s hard. I’m trying to put into words a Truth I have experienced and a Reality that has transformed me. But, for me, this Truth is the essence of Grace.

Many comments I received described how religious or church experiences are the “spiritual community” of choice. I truly understand where these subscribers are coming from and I am also very wary of the “emotions of apparent grace” that many were trying to describe: feelings of euphoria; feelings of confidence; assurance from their “knowing” (oida) the truth of the Pauline Gospel – Jesus died for me, I believe in Him as my Lord, I have nothing to fear for I am saved from eternal damnation.

Underneath this discussion is the tension between Love (Grace) and Fear (Egoistic Thinking).

Let me explain.

My experiences have led me to trust the quiet small-group-sense of grace I enjoy (at least most of the time). As I stated last week: The Holy Spirit touches me through the words of honest sharers within discussions of accepting groups– be they formal or informal. That’s where I come to grips with me. It is where I hear compassionate honesty. It is where I feel safe to share myself honestly. Hearing honesty and sharing honestly – I desperately need both.

Small groups. Honesty – sometimes rather brutal. Quiet. Non-Judgmental and Accepting. Safe enough for me to honestly reveal the real me. That is where I often experience Grace.

However, Grace is not some kind of intellectual knowledge that dispels fear.  That description of “grace” is dogma and its fear-dispensing quality is very temporary. Grace is not a temporary emotional euphoria. It is a quiet, confident knowing that “all is as it should be – right now for me.”

There are groups that excel and thrive on their ability to create a manufactured emotional high. Two that often come to mind for me are pre-game pep rallies and political conventions. I think I could also make the same case for mega-church productions with 100-voice choirs and choreographed big-screen videos. The aim – produce an intense emotional response from the audience, and people get addicted to these short-term emotional highs. Watching these professional productions is like watching a Broadway production of Les Miserables – when it’s over, you’re ready to grab a pitchfork or musket and march forth into battle for freedom, truth and justice. It’s a truly wonderful, but very short-lived emotion.

This kind of manufactured emotional high does not dispel fear. It only temporarily covers it up with a flood of emotion.

But my experience has shown that’s not how spiritual growth really works. I may be mistaken, but I cannot recall any instance in the Bible where true growth or insight came from emotional, orchestrated, mass-produced tugs at our heart-strings. From Moses (alone on the mountain) to the prophets (alone in the wilderness), to John the Baptist (living alone in the wild eating locusts and honey), to Jesus (fighting his demons during his solitary 40-day fast) to Paul and his private “revelation” on the road to Damascus – all these were where the spirit of the Lord came to them. The only exceptions I can think of are Jesus triumphal entry into Jerusalem (on Palm Sunday) where the crowd’s euphoria lasted about 4 days before the fear of Roman authority took over and everyone dissolved into the shadows. Or the reputed experience of Pentecost as reported by Luke in the Book of Acts (Chapters 1-2) – a highly stylized and very dubious historical event, since virtually no other New Testament writer mentioned it.

Spiritual growth, Grace and Truth – all this comes to me where I hear compassionate honesty and where I feel safe enough for me to share myself honestly.

Although these messages are mostly for me, thanks for listening. As always – feel free to forward this message to your friends, family, and those accompanying you on your spiritual journey.

Don.

#2 September, 2013

Copyright, 2013

All Our Thoughts Have Incredible Power

I remember – longer ago than I’m going to confess – delivering the Salutatorian Address at my high school’s commencement. The theme was about either being a part of the problem or a part of the solution. I presented major issues we all faced at the time. I posited varying positions a lot of townspeople held. Depending on how we thought, we were already a part of the problem or part of the solution. It all had to do with how and what we were thinking.

I didn’t know, as an 18 year-old, about Science of Mind, ACIM or other New Thought movements that all have similar central tenets. I didn’t know about the hidden power of the scriptural verse:  “As a man thinketh, so is he.” I didn’t know about Napolean Hill’s “Think and Grow Rich.” I didn’t know about the idea of Shared Illusions or Race Consciousness – race, as in human race – and our power to instill common thought.

From A Course in Miracles (ACIM): “… all thoughts have power. They will either make a false world or lead me to the real one.” [W-54; 1. 2-3] “What I see witnesses to what I think.” [W-54; 2.1] Although generally unseen by most of us, what we think has enormous power all over the world. If we think the world is a fearful place to live, we are increasing the fear-based way of approaching life. If we believe it is critical to be “right” in order to be “safe,” then we are perpetuating the myth that people can be divided into enemy or friendly “camps.” All the alliances and commitments we make are based on this concept of duality – that people have to be either enemies or friends. Some use abortion as the chief litmus test – enemy or friend. Some use war/violence as the litmus test – enemy or friend. Some use the literal interpretation of the Bible as the litmus teat – enemy or friend. Some use our economic system of government-assisted capitalism as the litmus test – enemy or friend. This fear-based concept of duality is a primary cornerstone of our Shared Illusions. It defines how we see the world, which defines the world we perceive or create.

That is truly powerful stuff! If I don’t like the world I see, I simply have to change the way I think. If I cannot see it any other way, then I must acknowledge I have created a prison for myself. A prison from which I don’t know how to escape.

“… all thoughts have power. They will either make a false world or lead me to the real one.” If my thoughts have created this false world, what is the “real” one? According to ACIM, the real world is a world of Love, Peace, and Acceptance. “To me, the purpose of everything [in the world] is to prove that my illusions about myself are real. It is for this purpose that I attempt to use everyone and everything. It is for this that I believe the world is for.… The purpose I have given the world has led to a frightening picture of it. Let me open my mind to the world’s real purpose by withdrawing the one I have given it and learning the truth about it.” [W-55: 5. 2-4; 6-7]

How do I open my mind and get out of this prison I have made? I don’t. I only have to be willing to see the world differently. The Holy Spirit will do the rest.

I remember, as well, when I first began to get sober. I had been going to AA meetings for a couple of weeks. “This is great!” I thought. “But, how in hell am I to go through a 3-day holiday weekend without drinking? A vacation?” I simply couldn’t imagine doing that. By following directions, one day at a time, it just happened. Holidays came and went. Vacations came and went. I didn’t drink and my life continued to improve in all sorts of ways I couldn’t have imagined.

I have developed a neat little image for myself, since I am a rather visual person. I imagine my breathing: Inhale. Exhale. I can see the color of my breath. All egoic fear-based thoughts I exhale are brownish in color. I don’t care how much I’ve lied to myself: “I’m not really judging. My intention is that I’m just offering my opinion, hoping it helps.” “I’m not really being spiteful, but s/he has to learn to live with the consequences of this rather short-sighted, ill-conceived, and very goofy decision.” “I just cannot understand how that very obese woman can really buy all that junk food for her kids. Look how overweight they already are! What might I do to help her? Poor thing.”

These thoughts, regardless of how well-intentioned I’ve convinced myself they are, all come out as brownish exhalations. I see myself in a room where the air is this foggy brownish hue. I can’t help but breathe it in. Then I notice how much my brownish breath is contributing to the room’s air. If rooms can be polluted, then why can’t whole blocks, or towns, or states, or countries? They can. In fact, all the air is brownish. I breathe it in. I exhale it out. Brown. Dirty. Unhealthy.

That is my image of the power of my thoughts. Part of the air I exhale is part of the air you inhale. My thoughts affect your thoughts. Damn!

ACIM tells me I can convert this brownish air to clean, crisp, healthy air. I literally can convert the dirty unhealthy air I breathe in to healthy clean air as I exhale. But “I” don’t really do that. The Holy Spirit does that. As He cleans up my thoughts, He is cleaning the air around me. He also is using my breaths of fresh air to aid in the cleansing of the air everyone around me is breathing.

With each breath I exhale I am contributing to the brownish air of ego or to the crisp air the Holy Spirit can use. With each thought I think I am contributing to the fear-based problems of the world or I am contributing to the loving solution. “… all thoughts have power. They will either make a false world or lead me to the real one.”

Although these messages are mostly for me, thanks for listening. As always – feel free to forward this message to your friends, family, and those accompanying you on your spiritual journey.

Don

#1 March, 2013

Copyright, 2013

Dealing with the Politics of Fear

The political conventions are over. But how do we figure out the truth? Is there a ‘the’ truth to figure out? How do we separate the hype, spin, omissions and outright lies from the rhetoric?

As political independents, we watched some of both political conventions, as I’m sure some of you did as well. Perhaps some of you watched neither of the conventions. We also began getting a whole new slew of political emails – asking for money, mostly.

Each email usually begins with “Are you aware of what Senator (or Representative or presidential candidate) XX said recently?” Then it goes on to tell how if the Republicans win the White House and the Congress then we are all doomed. Or it goes on to say that if President Obama is reelected and expands the democratic Senate majority and closes the gap in the House of Representatives, then we are all doomed.

In short, according to the pundits – consultants that are purportedly smarter than all of us  – we are all doomed! Regardless of the outcome.

I don’t think any of us really believe that. But it still can scare the beejeejuz out of us.

How do you figure out the truth? Is there a ‘the’ truth to figure out? How do we separate the hype, spin, omissions and outright lies from the rhetoric?

Since I can’t spend all my time researching the cases both parties are trying to make, I simply go to several fact checking organizations like www.snopes.com or www.factcheck.org. Both are independent groups and have proven their mettle over the last decade. They have been helpful to me. The results of a fact check query have enabled me to respond to fear-based emails with a modicum of sanity.

But the fear! How can we deal with the purposeful fear that is evoked on both sides?  Admittedly, I think the conservatives play the fear card more blatantly and grossly. But both parties are playing the fear card. Why? Because it works. Why does it work? Because it is the single most powerful emotion in the arsenal our egos possess. It is the most primordial. It is basic to our self-absorbed image of who we think we are. If someone can truly convince me of something that frightens me, then I’m dead meat. So, that’s what they do, because that is who they aim their ads at. Humans. Very frightened humans.

Very scared, that is – If I truly believe I am a human being in a body that somewhere has a soul or spirit.

However, if I can stop, take a deep breath and relax – just for a moment – and recall that I am NOT a human in a body with a soul, then I have an opportunity to center myself in terms of who I really am. I am an already-loved eternal spirit having a temporary human-in-a-body experience.  My true “I” can become an observer of my fearful emotions and thoughts. Then, just for a moment, I can get the better of my fears.

Perhaps you can, too.

Another subject altogether.

I need some help. Yesterday morning I woke up after having the strangest dream. In the dream we had made reservations at a restaurant. When we got there not only did they take us to our table, but our dinners were already sitting there – piping hot and beautifully presented. Additionally, there were some notes on the table. One note stated: “Belief is accepting the unthinkable.” The other said: “Evil is believing that loving and accepting incorrectly is okay.”

I have no idea what all this means or if it is meaningful at all? It may simply be an undigested piece of cabbage somewhere in my system. I just don’t know.

If anyone has an idea as to what the dream (in general) or the notes (in particular) might mean, please email me at donodell88@gmail.com. I’d love to hear from you. It might be the subject of a future message.

Thanks for listening, and – as always – feel free to forward this message to your friends, family, and those accompanying you on your spiritual journey.

Don

#2 September, 2012

Copyright, 2012

Part 1 - When My Serenity Flies Away, I Know I’m Believing What I Think About Myself.

I always try to remember the miracle encapsulated in that anonymous saying: “When you change the way you see things, the things you see change”… including myself.

At first blush this message may seem to contradict last week’s message [Msg-2-August 2012; “When My Serenity Flies Away, I Know I’ve Taken The Focus Off Me.”] Today’s message is about what happens when I put the focus on me, forget what A Course in Miracles (ACIM) teaches, and actually begin believing what I think about me.

It took me a long time to understand the humor and laughter in AA meetings. They’d actually laugh out loud as someone shared their intimate experience, strength and hope, talking about how it was, what happened, and how it is now. The whole group would have a good belly laugh at the more truly embarrassing moments or situations.

Following an almost tearful confession of the loneliness and sense of failure/loss that a newcomer just shared, a group member, looking at the newcomer, shared: “I know that empty feeling you’re feeling. I had that, too, when I got home and all my belongings were in the front yard. As it ended up, my wife got the bank accounts, the house, the kids, and the dog. But, it took all that to get me into these rooms. Thinking about it, though, I really do miss that dog.”

The room would erupt into raucous laughter. “How irreverent!” I’d scoff to myself. “These people are really emotional bullies. They’re insensitive and boorish.“ But that was not it at all.

Members of the Fellowship have come up with some of the most spiritual (and funny) one-liners I have ever heard:

• ·        Most of the time you’re in a funk it’s because “You are comparing [aka: judging] your insides to what you think you are perceiving about someone’s outsides.”
• ·      “I may not be very much, but I’m all I think about.”
• ·      “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.”

All those laughing in that room were acknowledging they had been exactly where the speaker had been. They had experienced the same story albeit with totally different circumstances and totally different details. But underneath these insignificant differences it was the same story! They were laughing at themselves and with each other – all the while remembering what is was really like for them and how grateful they are for what it is like now.

“I may not be very much, but I’m all I think about.” That’s another way of admonishing: Don’t take myself too seriously. The games my way of thinking played produced a drunk, which is what got me into these rooms.

Continued in Part 2

Part 2 - Staying in the Is-Ness and Letting the Future Take Care of Itself

Continued from Part 1

How do we deal with “the future?” Can we deal with the future at all? Is to deal with the future a negation of the Truths that guide our spiritual life – a negation of the axiom “Live in the Now” for Now is always eternal?

A sense of ownership – I possess therefore I am. A sense of being responsible for what I have. A sense of having – and then needing to worry about keeping and maintaining. The unspoken premise? There isn’t really enough. Maybe all that’s what takes the edge off simply enjoying the Now – living in the “is-ness.” I am trying to de-clutter my mind and get back to where the Aborigines have always been. They are supposed to be ignorant, uneducated natives who just happen to be happy and at peace. Yet, I am supposed to be smart and sophisticated and competitive and forward-thinking. But I am stressed, worried, and can’t sleep many nights.

So, how do we deal with “the future?” Can we deal with the future at all? Is to deal with the future a negation of the Truths that guide our spiritual life – a negation of the axiom “Live in the Now” for Now is always eternal?

What I try to do is simply imagine the worst thing the future might bring, deal with it in my mind, and then go about my business. In short, I try to deal with it and be done with it. Sometimes this really works. Sometimes it really doesn’t.

I am also attempting to apply the principles of AA to my spiritual growth. Another AA adage states: “Just for today, don’t drink, go to a meeting, share openly and honestly, work the Steps, talk to your sponsor, pray, and the rest of your life is none of your business.” Within the structure of ACIM’s wisdom I can apply a similar approach: Just for today, read and practice the daily lesson in the Course Workbook, read a passage from the Course Text or the Manual for Teachers, remember that I am not what I think and I don’t have to believe everything I think, remember that I am responsible for not paying attention to the chatter in my mind, remember I am not upset for the reason I think, and remember the Holy Spirit will always give me another way of looking at people or  events, if I truly ask and then listen for His whispered answer.

With practice, a little discipline, and perseverance perhaps I can become a 21^st Century Tennessee Aborigine – simple, focused, happy, joyous and free.

Thanks for listening, and – as always – feel free to forward this message to your friends, family and those accompanying you on your spiritual path.

Don

#3 July, 2012

PS: I will be on the road for the next several weeks, so there will be no messages for a couple of weeks.