Describing of My Unforgiving Self

Several days ago I did Lesson 121 in A Course in Miracles (ACIM). In ACIM the act of forgiveness is understanding there is no “sin” against God. After all, I am truly an already-loved eternal spirit living in the mind of God, I am not a separate human being that houses, somewhere, an eternal soul. There is only error based on false egoic perceptions. AA old-timers state: “The easiest way to forgive is to not blame in the first place.” I think it’s the same essential message.

LESSON 121:  Forgiveness is the key to happiness

1 Here is the answer to your search for peace. Here is the key to meaning in a world that seems to make no sense. Here is the way to safety [from] dangers that appear to threaten you at every turn, and bring uncertainty to all your hopes of ever finding quietness and peace….

2 The unforgiving [egoic] mind is full of fear, and offers love no room to be itself; no place where it can spread its wings in peace and soar above the turmoil of the world. The unforgiving mind is sad, without the hope of respite and release from pain. It suffers and abides in misery, peering about in darkness, seeing not, yet certain of the danger lurking there.

3 The unforgiving mind is torn with doubt, confused about itself and all it sees; afraid and angry, weak and blustering, afraid to go ahead, afraid to stay, afraid to waken or to go to sleep, afraid of every sound, yet more afraid of stillness; terrified of darkness, yet more terrified at the approach of light….

4 The unforgiving mind sees no mistakes, but only sins. It looks upon the world with sightless eyes, and shrieks as it beholds its own projections rising to attack its miserable parody of life. It wants to live, yet wishes it were dead. It wants forgiveness, yet it sees no hope. It wants escape, yet can conceive of none because it sees the sinful everywhere.

5 The unforgiving mind is in despair, without the prospect of a future, which can offer anything but more despair. Yet it regards its judgment of the world as irreversible, and does not see it has condemned itself to this despair. It thinks it cannot change, for what it sees bears witness that its judgment is correct. It does not ask, because it thinks it knows. It does not question, certain it is right.

6 Forgiveness is acquired. It is not inherent in the mind which cannot sin. As sin is an idea you taught yourself, forgiveness must be learned by you as well, but from a Teacher other than yourself, Who represents the other Self in you. Through Him you learn how to forgive the self you think you made, and let it disappear. Thus you return your mind as one to Him Who is your Self and Who can never sin.

Yet, I fight this concept at times. I just don’t want to do it. Why? What do I have to give up to get this kind of peace and serenity? Perhaps …

·      The joy of blaming

·      The fantasy of winning the lottery or achieving fame and glory

·      The self-righteous superiority I feel when I believe I’m right

·      The belief that my anger, fear and distrust are justified because I see anger, fear and distrust (not understanding that I’m just seeing what I’m projecting).

The Lesson goes on to instruct me to go inward and bathe in the light and peace I find there. While at that place, forgive someone I dislike and notice how the light of forgiveness “splashes” onto me as well. Then do the same with someone I like.

So, I went to my “holy” place within me and stood in front of the calmimg white light that I know is my True Self. I have done this before, but – for the first time – I sensed a connection with a Being – not just the Light and its Peacefulness. I also sensed He communicated with me: I sensed Him smile.

I said, “Hello,”

He said, “I wait for you.”

I said, “What do you do?”

He said, “I am.” Again, He smiled and said, “I wait for you.”

Then I smiled.

I noticed that in earlier lessons and visits to this holy place in me, I remained something/someone different than the bathed-in-Light-Self I encountered. But, for the first time I felt like I and He were both face-to -face and alive. I know I am not finding the correct words to use – but I wasn’t “alone” in front of Him. I was together “with” Him.

After this short meeting with my Self, I promptly dozed off.

I still get goose-bumps when I think of this. I found it very enjoyable. I was very relaxed.

I just wanted to share this experience with you.

As I’ve stated before, “I have to understand, on a visceral level, who the “Me” or “I” really is when I am speaking or thinking. The “I” that says to myself, “I really need a newer, more reliable car” is a different “I” than the one that says to Spirit, “I can’t do this anymore; help me perceive things the way You see them.”

Although these messages are mostly for me, thanks for listening to me and getting to know me – warts and all. As always, feel free to forward this message to your friends, family, and those accompanying you on your spiritual journey.

Don

#1 May 2017

Copyright 2017

True Willingness: The Key To Spirituality

Several comments from readers about last week’s message suggested they believed that a change in perception was a simple matter of will power. I think that is partially true, but there are different levels of perception. Let me explain.

There is a saying: “Change the way you look at situations, events, or people and the situations, events, and people will change.” This, I believe, is true on two levels. One level that this appears to be true is what I call the one-dimensional level. The second level of this adage is on a spiritual level.

On this one-dimensional level Felix (my ego) will try to force a different way of looking at things. This will work with a modicum of success.  Then, quite often, Felix will try to manipulate this new “trick” of his into getting what he wants.

However, when I am really hurting (frustrated, exasperated, disappointed, angry, etc.) I’ll finally ask the Holy Spirit, or the Voice for the God of my understanding, to show me another way of looking at situations, events, or people. All I have to do is be willing to listen for His Voice. It will always be the quiet whisper amidst the other voices that I’ll hear.

I have two “selfs” according to A Course In Miracles (ACIM): an egoic mind-self and my True-Self. Within my egoic mind-self I have a lower self and a higher self or a lower mind and a higher mind. My lower, egoic mind (Felix) cannot will itself to become my True-Self. Neither can my higher mind (or self. Either is like trying, with all my might, to truly lift myself up by my own bootstraps. It is impossible.

However, my higher mind can comprehend that something is really wrong with my perception of the world. It wants to change (which scares the bejeezus out of Felix) but cannot of its own volition. But, unlike Felix, it can be truly willing to see things differently. And ACIM teaches that is all that’s necessary. Be willing. Truly ask for the Voice for God to help you see things differently and you will be answered.

When I ask for a different way of looking at things, I begin to see glimpses of another world – another level of True Existence – the spiritual. This reminds me of an earlier message I wrote [July, 2012; “Staying In The Is-Ness….”] about Australian Aborigines and their “Songlines” and concept of “The Dreaming.”  

From the novel, The Dreaming, by Barbara Wood, Random House, Inc., 1991, pages 429, 431: While discussing various Aboriginal tribal practices and ideas, “[t]he more complex concepts had been less easy to understand, such as the way Aborigines regarded time. Everything revolved around the Dreamtime, which Joanna had discovered, occurred not only in the past, but also in the present and the future. They had no words, in fact, for past, present and future – all was Dreamtime. And the clan had no separate words for yesterday, today and tomorrow, just the word punjara, which simply meant ‘another day.’ (p. 429).

“… Joanna saw the powerful bond between the various female relations and the other generations. She saw with envy the stairway she had imagined long ago – the descent of women from great-grandmothers to daughters. The smallest child could look at a white-haired woman bent over her digging stick and see the generations through which she had descended. Perhaps, Joanna thought, that was why these people had no need for words meaning past, present and future. They were all here now.” (p. 431)

These simple Aboriginal peoples, whose oral history dates back over an estimated 50,000 years, had already nailed it! “They had no words, in fact, for past, present and future – all was Dreamtime.” With all my smarts, education, technology, and gizmos, why is this so difficult for me to grasp? Why do I persist in planning, worrying, fretting, and beating myself up for perceived future problems or issues?

“Well, Donnie, it’s an indication of maturity. It’s a predictor of success (whatever that is). It’s the wise and prudent thing to do.” I guess that’s why I persist.

But it makes me miserable. I don’t enjoy life on Mother Nature’s terms. I get angry at bugs that eat my okra leaves. I get frustrated at a 5-week drought that really stresses my yard. I get really irritated at the deer and/or rabbits that eat my Joe Pye Weed plantings. I get saddened at my trees that are uprooted or snapped off from high winds and heavy rain.

Notice all the MY’s in that paragraph. Yep. My perceptions of events are simply unreal projections of my mind. They only exist in the universe that resides between my ears. Yet, they ruin my enjoyment of life as it unfolds. Because my perception is active, I can always compare what’s happening now to what I thought shoulda/coulda/oughta be happening. It’s never a pretty picture. It’s rarely happy resulting in contentment.

I have a sense of ownership – I possess therefore I am. I have a sense of being responsible for what I have. A sense of having – and then needing to worry about keeping and maintaining. The unspoken premise? There isn’t really enough. Maybe all that’s what takes the edge off simply enjoying the Now – living in the “is-ness.” I am trying to de-clutter my mind and get back to where the Aborigines have always been. They are supposed to be ignorant, uneducated natives who just happen to be happy and at peace. Yet, I am supposed to be smart and sophisticated and competitive and forward-thinking. But I am stressed, worried, and can’t sleep many nights.

I also attempt to apply the principles of AA to my spiritual growth. An AA adage states: “Just for today, don’t drink, go to a meeting, share openly and honestly, work the Steps, talk to your sponsor, pray, and the rest of your life is none of your business.” Within the structure of ACIM’s wisdom I can apply a similar approach: Just for today, read and practice the daily lesson in the Course Workbook, read a passage from the Course Text or the Manual for Teachers, remember that I am not what I think and I don’t have to believe everything I think, remember that I am responsible for not paying attention to the chatter in my mind, remember I am not upset for the reason I think, and remember the Holy Spirit will always give me another way of looking at people or  events, if I truly ask, am truly willing, and then listen for His whispered answer.

With practice, a little discipline, and perseverance perhaps I can become a 21^st Century Tennessee Aborigine – spiritual, simple, focused, happy, joyous and free.

As I’ve stated before, “I have to understand, on a visceral level, who the “Me” or “I” really is when I am speaking or thinking. The “I” that says to myself, “I really need a newer, more reliable car” is a different “I” than the one that says to Spirit, “I can’t do this anymore; help me perceive things the way You see them.”

Although these messages are mostly for me, thanks for listening to me and getting to know me – warts and all. As always, feel free to forward this message to your friends, family, and those accompanying you on your spiritual journey.

Don

#1 Apr 2017

Copyright 2017

PS: I’ll be out of town for several weeks. Messages will continue, but not for a while.

Addendum to: “Reacting From Fear…”

Yesterday (March 11) I sent out Message 2 for the Month. It was entitled “Reacting From Fear/Anger or Responding From Love.” In that message I was trying to describe the difference it makes when I slightly begin to see with spiritual vision rather than physical, egoic sight.

Today, Sunday March 12, I was in the sunshine on a crisp cold day in eastern Tennessee reading a new-to-me novel. It contained a passage that verbally painted a secular picture of this spiritual phenomenon. I found the book last weekend in a thrift store. The title is: “The Twilight of Courage” by Bodie and Brock Thoene [Thomas Nelson Publishers, 1994].

The passage is describing the return to England by an American AP press reporter (Josephine – aka Josie) who had been trapped in Warsaw, Poland as the Nazi army stormed and devastated that country in 1939. She was escorted out and finally caught a boat from Amsterdam to Southhampton, England, where she was met by a fellow reporter named Alma.

The horrors Josie witnessed, as the German Wehrmacht followed by Nazi Waffen SS units, decimated the city and its people, were indescribable: rotting, dead and dying civilians, livestock, and pets; destroyed churches, mosques, and synagogues; purposeful bombing of civilian buildings of safety – municipal buildings, museums, opera houses, and block after block of residential areas.

Her last conversations were with a Catholic nun, Sister Angeline, as they desperately tried to assuage the suffering of victims in the Cathedral of Saint John in Warsaw. Then the roof began to collapse after the strike of yet another shell. It killed Sister  Angeline.

Alma has been pestering Josie for information by asking her questions like “What was it like?” and ”How did you manage?” and “Why didn’t you bring your luggage?”

[From pages 41-42 – italics are in the original text] “Alma’s mindless chatter grated like fingernails on a blackboard.  The final words of Sister Angelina echoed in Josie’s mind. No man limps because the foot of another man is injured. England will not come to help us, Josephine. They will not think of us again once we are buried. To do so would make them ashamed. But you? Leave this place with joy in you heart, daughter. You will never see the world as you saw it before. You will find God’s presence in ways you had not imagined.

“They stepped out into the sunlight. For the first time Josie felt the glory of all that was ordinary: church steeples and slate rooftops standing as they had for hundreds of years, the tangle of chimney pots.

“The unbroken skyline of the city gleamed in russet hues: brown brick, red brick, black brick. The day throbbed with color. A seagull cried as it soared overhead. The air smelled of ocean and the musty scent of leaves about to drop from the trees. Autumn would soon arrive in England. There was a wonderful living aroma. Had Josie ever really noticed before? And if she had noticed, had she tried to define what made it so spectacular? She was suddenly filled with an exquisite joy.

“’What is wrong with you?’ Alma grumped.

“’It’s lovely here. So ordinary.’

“’Lovely warehouses? Lovely seagull droppings? Lovely screaming American tourists stumbling out of taxis?’

“’Yes, I suppose.’

Alma could not comprehend. She had not yet witnessed the world turned upside down. She had not breathed the air in Warsaw, and so she could not know the sweet air of England, even in ordinary Southhampton, was something holy. How could she understand what had happened to Josephine? Drawing a breath in safety had become an act of worship.

“’I’m really thankful to be alive, Alma,’ Josie said in a tone so serious that it made Alma laugh. Her laughter did not matter.

“’Well, so am I!’

“Josie stopped her on the sidewalk at the end of the taxi queue. ‘No. I mean . .  . I am truly glad I was in Warsaw. Glad I got left behind. That I met all those people…. It’s okay. I’m different, you know? Nothing to worry about. I mean . . . I am thankful.’”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Seeing with gratitude is seeing with love – with vision. It’s responding rather than reacting. As I closed yesterday’s message, I can close this addendum: “These are the moments of unity we need to focus on, the collateral beauty in the midst of chaos….”

Although these messages are mostly for me, thanks for listening to me and getting to know me – warts and all. As always, feel free to forward this message to your friends, family, and those accompanying you on your spiritual journey.

Don

#2a Mar 2017

Copyright 2017