Letting Go of the World I Perceive

Spring is already starting where I live in East Tennessee. But it’s only early March – there’s still more frost coming. This phenomenon will lead to another “Oh! My!” set of moments wondering if the early-budding trees and shrubs will be able to deal with another early Spring anomaly.

Well, of course they will!

These plants and trees have forgotten more about dealing with an early Spring than I’ll ever know. But, since our house is back on the market and my job is to stop living here and to become, instead, the groundskeeper and caretaker, I’ve already found myself worrying a tad. I would love to tell you I’m so spiritually mature that it’s been years since a worry crossed the threshold of my mind. But I’d be a flaming liar if I told you that.

Why do I worry? About my landscaping? About the state of our country? About my financial legacy – or lack thereof? About the utter lack of leadership in our Congress that is willing to – apparently – jeopardize our Country’s welfare and the integrity of our political institutions for short-term political goals or for party affiliation?

But the good side of worrying is that it has proven to be the most reliable feedback mechanism my True (spiritual) Self can receive informing me that I have relinquished my True Identity for the petty, false identity of my ego – which I have named Felix.

At a recent AA meeting I had shared that my serenity depends a lot on which of the two “me’s” is in control: The spiritual me that is an already-loved eternal spirit currently having a human experience or the me that believes I am a body inside of which resides an eternal soul. If I’ve been thinking of myself as a body with a soul, then my serenity is always pretty shaky. If I am aware of my Self as an already-loved eternal spirit, my serenity is as secure as Fort Knox.

Following the meeting, a friend asked me if I really believed that. I said yes, I do. He asked me to explain it. I tried – but it was harder than I thought. So, I’m trying to sort my thoughts out with this post.

A Course In Miracles (ACIM) talks about having a higher and lower mind. It talks about the role of the physical body. It talks about physical sight (via eyeballs) as opposed to spiritual vision, which only occurs with the assistance of the Holy Spirit. It talks of REAL life as being one of the Spirit, but we think of “real” life as that which we can see with our eyes.

One of the more succinct statements in the ACIM about this is from the Manual for Teachers, Section 27, What Is Death? The text reads: “1 Death is the central dream from which all illusions stem. Is it not madness to think of life as being born, aging, losing vitality, and dying in the end? We have asked this question before, but now we need to consider it more carefully. It is the one fixed, unchangeable belief of the world that all things in it are born only to die. This is regarded as "the way of nature," not to be raised to question, but to be accepted as the "natural" law of life. The cyclical, the changing and unsure; the undependable and the unsteady, waxing and waning in a certain way upon a certain path – all this is taken as the Will of God. And no one asks if a benign Creator could will this.

2 In this perception of the universe as God created it, it would be impossible to think of Him as loving. For who has decreed that all things [will end] in dust and disappointment and despair can but be feared. He holds your little life in his hand but by a thread, ready to break it off without regret or care, perhaps today. Or if he waits, yet is the ending certain. Who loves such a god knows not of love, because he has denied that life is real. Death has become life's symbol. His world is now a battleground, where contradiction reigns and opposites make endless war. Where there is death is peace impossible.

3 Death is the symbol of the fear of God… The grimness of the symbol is enough to show it cannot coexist with God. It holds an image of the Son of God [i.e., humankind] in which he is "laid to rest" in devastation's arms, where worms wait to greet him and to last a little while by his destruction. Yet the worms as well are doomed to be destroyed as certainly. And so do all things live because of death. Devouring is nature's "law of life." [Within this perception of the “real world] God is insane, and fear alone is real.

4 The curious belief that there is part of dying things that may go on apart from what will die, does not proclaim a loving God nor re-establish any grounds for trust. If death is real for anything, there is no life. Death denies life. But if there is reality in life, death is denied. No compromise in this is possible…. God did not make death because He did not make fear. Both are equally meaningless to Him.

5 The "reality" of death is firmly rooted in the belief that God's Son [humankind] is a body. And if God created bodies, death would indeed be real. But God would not be loving. There is no point at which the contrast between the perception of the real world [Spirit] and that of the world of illusions [my egoic perceptions] becomes more sharply evident….”

I am an already-loved eternal spirit. That is who I am. That is how God made us. Felix sees through my physical eyes and shows me a world of fear that is illusionary. My worrying is directly proportional to the degree I let Felix run my life.

As I’ve stated before, “I have to understand, on a visceral level, who the “Me” or “I” really is when I am speaking or thinking. The “I” that says to myself, “I really need a newer, more reliable car” is a different “I” than the one that says to Spirit, “I can’t do this anymore; help me perceive things the way You see them.”

Although these messages are mostly for me, thanks for listening to me and getting to know me – warts and all. As always, feel free to forward this message to your friends, family, and those accompanying you on your spiritual journey.

Don

#1 Mar 2017

Copyright 2017

The Serenity Prayer, My Ego, and Me

Early in my sobriety I was confused about the part of the Serenity Prayer that asked for “…Wisdom to know the difference [between the things I could change and those I could not].” The first stanza of this prayer is recited at every meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous I have ever attended. It is an excerpt from a prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr, an American theologian. It goes like this: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

I simply didn’t know the difference between the things I could and couldn’t change and I was too embarrassed to ask and reveal my ignorance. I finally did ask, however. And am I glad I did.

I was told that I couldn’t change other people, places, or things. “What, then, does that leave you to focus on, Donnie?” I smiled and didn’t say anything, but I had nodded – in that knowing kind of way you nod, even though you still aren’t sure of the answer. My friend saw through that and continued to ask me, “I’m serious Don.  If you can’t change people, places or things, what does that leave you to focus on?”

“Myself.” I answered.

“Correct. Just remember: ‘If you’re not the problem, then there is no answer.’”

For those of you unfamiliar, I would like to continue with Niebuhr’s complete, but simple, prayer:

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time; accepting hardship as a pathway to peace; taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; trusting that You will make all things right if I surrender to Your will, so that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with You forever in the next.”  Amen

I am always my problem. It’s not that I believe I am that important. It’s just that dealing with myself is all I can handle. That is summed up in another of AA’s great little sayings: “Keep the focus on yourself – just for today. The rest of your life is none of your business.”

This is very, very similar to what I learn in A Course in Miracles (ACIM). Why then, oh why, do I find it so easy to understand what it is that you need to do to fix yourself? What you should correct about yourself? How you could improve, if only you would ….??

I think Tommy was absolutely correct when he was still alive. He died after about a year of sobriety. He died of cancer. He died sober. He would always introduce himself in meetings by saying: “Hi everyone. My name is Tommy. I’m addicted to alcohol and to anything and anyone that will enable me to keep my focus off of me.” Invariably, no matter how often we had heard him, we would all laugh. It was so funny, but it was also so true of all of us. And we knew it. But whenever it was said out loud in that straightforward kind of way, it sounded so ridiculous and so it was just plain funny.

Among other things, thinking about and composing these messages is one of the ways I keep my focus on me.

As I’ve stated before, “I have to understand, on a visceral level, who the “Me” or “I” really is when I am speaking or thinking. The “I” that says to myself, “I really need a newer, more reliable car” is a different “I” than the one that says to my Holy Spirit, “I can’t do this anymore; help me perceive things the way You see them.”

Although these messages are mostly for me, thanks for listening to me and getting to know me – warts and all. As always, feel free to forward this message to your friends, family, and those accompanying you on your spiritual journey.

Don

#1 Aug 2016

Copyright 2016

Connecting Spirituality And “Hitting Bottom”

There are two tenets of Alcoholics Anonymous that have proven to be very true for me: 1) No one can declare me to be addicted to alcohol but me; 2) There is no definitive description of what “hitting bottom” means; that, too, is up to me to define.

However, for someone to define these two tenets for themselves is the singular starting point for anyone wanting to recover from.….whatever. It is what is summed up in the first of AA’s Twelve Steps: Admitting to powerlessness to alter an addiction and owning up to a current life that is unmanageable. In short, honestly saying to oneself: “I can’t….

·      Stop drinking,

·      Stop my focus on anything but the dark and negative,

·      Stop gambling,

·      Stop my addiction to the rush and thrill of sexual escapades,

·      Stop my cravings for sugar/sweets,

·      Stop waking up each morning full of dread and self-loathing,

·      Stop living each day, regardless of what has happened or not happened, scared and worried or feeling exasperated, frustrated and disappointed,

·      Stop needing to “escape” my life via the emotional highs I reach as I immerse myself in my congregation’s orchestrated weekly performances,

·      Stop my insane gossiping about everyone I meet – knowing that to focus on them is simply my way of not focusing on myself, which just might be why my life is out of control. 

I believe it takes some form of “hitting bottom” for us to say in desperation “I can’t….” and really wanting to live life differently; to say “I am sick and tired of being sick and tired and I can’t continue anymore. But, I don’t really know what to do”

I have been reading Richard Rohr’s book “Falling Upward – Spirituality for the Two Halves of Life” [Jossey-Bass, 2011]. He doesn’t use the specific words, “hitting bottom,” but often that’s what he is talking about. The first half of life is largely concerned about surviving successfully. We all try to establish an identity, a home, relationships, friends, community and security. As he puts it: “…building a proper platform for our only life.” [p. xiv].

Rohr defines the second half of life as “the task within the task.” He also calls it “what we are really doing when we are doing what we are doing.” [p. xiv] The second half is when we begin to pay attention, and seek integrity precisely in that task within the task that we begin to move from the first to the second half of our own lives. Integrity largely has to do with … a growing honesty about our actual motives. … Most often we don’t pay attention to that inner task until we have had some kind of fall or failure in our outer tasks. This pattern is invariably true for reasons I have yet to fathom…. Those failings and fallings must be there for a purpose, a purpose that neither culture nor church has fully understood.” [p. xv]

We in AA call this “hitting our bottom.” I have not heard this term in the New Testament or in A Course in Miracles (ACIM), but I would like to think that Jesus would call this pattern of falling/failing an unmistakable collapse of our egoic thinking, which leaves us – even if only temporarily – open to the whispers of the Holy Spirit suggesting to us a different way of perceiving and living life.

Did God, as I understand God, cause me to stumble and fall, just so He could pick me up? No! I caused my fall all by myself, and I no longer know how or where to stand up. By honestly admitting “I cannot do this anymore” I have opened myself up to a dimension – which had always been there, but remained unseen by me – that changed my life.

Just like the young man, who went off to college and then the military, and returned home amazed at how his father had matured during his absence. It was not his father who had changed. His 8+ years away from home had slowly altered his perception of life and he was “seeing” his father in a new light.

As I’ve stated before, “I have to understand, on a visceral level, who the “Me” or “I” really is when I am speaking or thinking. The “I” that says to myself, “I really need a newer, more reliable car” is a different “I” than the one that says to my Holy Spirit, “I can’t do this anymore; help me perceive things the way You see them.”

Although these messages are mostly for me, thanks for listening to me and getting to know me – warts and all. As always, feel free to forward this message to your friends, family, and those accompanying you on your spiritual journey.

Don

#4 May 2016

Copyright 2016

Remembering To Remember

I just came back from a trip to western North Carolina where a very good friend recommended a book entitled The Spiritual Awakening of the Great Smoky Mountains, self published by Page Bryant (1994) Waynesville, NC.

As was Original Wisdom: Stories of an Ancient Way of Knowing, by Robert Wolff [Inner Traditions Publishing, 2001], which I wrote about last month (Understanding The Whole Helps Understand The Parts; Msg-3-Feb-2016), Page Bryant was able to verbalize many of the feelings and intuitions I have been experiencing without being able to express them well. Using different words, she is expressing this identical overpowering sense of Oneness, where there is no distinction between subject and object, that I have been experiencing yet have not found the appropriate words.

During a brief morning meditative moment this week, a spot of clarity about these nature-related thoughts of Oneness flooded my mind. I want to share those with you today.

Page Bryant writes about her own sense of Oneness she embraces when visiting the Great Smoky Mountain National Park: “Though the entire area is beautiful and helps to put me in a calm and open state of mind, I am particularly drawn to the beautiful little roadside waterfalls found throughout the area. These wonderful moist, green spots are delightfully fragrant with the smells of the rich soil, the moss-covered fallen trees, and the negative ions that seem to reach inside and caress the soul. The first time I visited such a site I was almost instantly propelled into an altered state of what I call pure ‘nature consciousness’… that precious frame of mind and heart that stirs and opens my deepest senses and emotions in complete safety and compassion for all that lives; the state that brings my ‘connection’ with all that lives into full consciousness….” (p. 34-5)

She writes a lot about Native American rituals and ceremonies – many connected to very specific Smoky Mountain sites of the ancient Cherokee. She wrote: “I believe that ceremony is one of the most valuable tools we have to bring about a change in our consciousness, for healing the earth and ourselves, and for getting into conscious touch with the [spirit and energy of the plant, animal, and mineral kingdoms].” (p.157-8)

As she was describing the role of ceremony and ritual within Cherokee culture, I became very aware that, for me, what she seemed to be saying is that ceremony or ritual has the ability to help me remember to remember the power of intuition or experiential (not cerebral) knowing. I need always to remember to remember the awe inspiring occurrence of this kind of intuitive knowledge – a knowing that simply overpowers my intellect. It is not knowledge I have deduced. It is the knowing that I know to be true because I experienced its truth for me.

She goes on to describe some of this knowing. “We must, if we and our planet are to survive, return to a remembrance that the Earth is alive! … We must, once again armed with a knowledge of the sacred dances and songs, lift ourselves out of the mire of apathetic materialism … that we might heal ourselves from the ecological and spiritual tragedies which have resulted from our almost total reliance upon our intellect. I take nothing away from the value of logic and reason and feel it to be a necessary part of our approach to knowledge and understanding. But omitting intuition and by not bringing our intuitive faculties to bear upon whatever knowledge we gain, we run the risk of the precise one-sidedness of materialism so apparent within society today. Science and the lifeless mechanical world it permits to exist is not all there is. [To take a successful journey to explore an intuitive awareness of unseen energies and life forces] we must carry with us the tool of [openness and] willingness; a willingness to have a honest sense of desire and expectation in order to become aware of earth’s living energies and the mind to think of the world as a whole being that is held together by a real living, unifying energy which links us all – every place to every other place, every soul to all other souls, and, ultimately, the Earth and her children…” (p. 69-70)  

This call for remembering to remember reminded me the other morning of the Christian ritual of the Last Supper and Jesus’ words to the disciples: “Do this in remembrance of Me.” But after reading Bryant and Wolff, along with the messages of A Course In Miracles (ACIM) and the wisdom of AA, it helped me put this experiential sense I have been having in a new light. Perhaps Jesus wasn’t saying “Remember me, I’m going to die for you in order to satisfy the judgment of my Father” (a critical tenet of Christian dogma), but saying: “Remember, we are all One. Every person is but a reflection of you. The act of all of us tonight sharing together one cup and one loaf is symbolic of that reality. Please do not forget that.”

Take what you want from this message and leave the rest. Oh! Find and embrace a small waterfall regardless of the weather today. Perhaps it will connect and enrich you.

Although these messages are mostly for me, thanks for listening. As always – feel free to forward this message to your friends, family, and those accompanying you on your spiritual journey.

Don

#1 Mar 2016

Copyright 2016