There are two tenets of
Alcoholics Anonymous that have proven to be very true for me: 1) No one can
declare me to be addicted to alcohol but me; 2) There is no definitive
description of what “hitting bottom” means; that, too, is up to me to define.
However, for someone to define
these two tenets for themselves is the singular starting point for anyone
wanting to recover from.….whatever. It is what is summed up in the first of
AA’s Twelve Steps: Admitting to powerlessness
to alter an addiction and owning up
to a current life that is unmanageable. In short, honestly saying to oneself:
“I can’t….
·
Stop drinking,
·
Stop my focus on anything but the dark and
negative,
·
Stop gambling,
·
Stop my addiction to the rush and thrill of
sexual escapades,
·
Stop my cravings for sugar/sweets,
·
Stop waking up each morning full of dread and
self-loathing,
·
Stop living each day, regardless of what has
happened or not happened, scared and worried or feeling exasperated, frustrated
and disappointed,
·
Stop needing to “escape” my life via the
emotional highs I reach as I immerse myself in my congregation’s orchestrated
weekly performances,
·
Stop my insane gossiping about everyone I meet –
knowing that to focus on them is simply my way of not focusing on myself, which
just might be why my life is out of
control.
I believe it takes some form of
“hitting bottom” for us to say in desperation “I can’t….” and really wanting to
live life differently; to say “I am sick and tired of being sick and tired and
I can’t continue anymore. But, I don’t really know what to do”
I have been reading Richard
Rohr’s book “Falling Upward – Spirituality
for the Two Halves of Life” [Jossey-Bass, 2011]. He doesn’t use the
specific words, “hitting bottom,” but often that’s what he is talking about.
The first half of life is largely concerned about surviving successfully. We
all try to establish an identity, a home, relationships, friends, community and
security. As he puts it: “…building a proper platform for our only life.” [p.
xiv].
Rohr defines the second half of
life as “the task within the task.” He also calls it “what we are really doing when we are doing what we are doing.” [p. xiv]
The second half is when we begin to pay attention, and seek integrity precisely
in that task within the task that we begin to move from the first to the second
half of our own lives. Integrity largely has to do with … a growing honesty
about our actual motives. … Most often we don’t pay attention to that inner
task until we have had some kind of fall or failure in our outer tasks. This
pattern is invariably true for reasons I have yet to fathom…. Those failings
and fallings must be there for a purpose, a purpose that neither culture nor
church has fully understood.” [p. xv]
We in AA call this “hitting our bottom.”
I have not heard this term in the New Testament or in A Course in Miracles
(ACIM), but I would like to think that Jesus would call this pattern of falling/failing
an unmistakable collapse of our egoic thinking, which leaves us – even if only
temporarily – open to the whispers of the Holy Spirit suggesting to us a different
way of perceiving and living life.
Did God, as I understand God,
cause me to stumble and fall, just so He could pick me up? No! I caused my fall
all by myself, and I no longer know how or where to stand up. By honestly
admitting “I cannot do this anymore” I have opened myself up to a dimension –
which had always been there, but remained unseen by me – that changed my life.
Just like the young man, who went
off to college and then the military, and returned home amazed at how his
father had matured during his absence. It was not his father who had changed. His
8+ years away from home had slowly altered his perception of life and he was
“seeing” his father in a new light.
As I’ve stated before, “I have to understand,
on a visceral level, who the “Me” or “I” really is when I am speaking or
thinking. The “I” that says to myself, “I really need a newer, more reliable
car” is a different “I” than the one that says to my Holy Spirit, “I can’t do
this anymore; help me perceive things the way You see them.”
Although
these messages are mostly for me, thanks for listening to me and getting to
know me – warts and all. As always, feel free to forward this message to your
friends, family, and those accompanying you on your spiritual journey.
Don
#4 May 2016
Copyright 2016
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