Last week, at an AA meeting, I
was asked who I thought I was. I answered with my familiar statement: “I am not
a human being in a body which houses (somewhere) an eternal soul. I am an
already-loved eternal spirit currently having a human experience.”
How do I know that? How did I
come to believe that? How do I know that this is true?
All day last Sunday, following
that AA meeting, these questions bugged me. At first I tried to ignore them –
thinking it was just another egoic attempt to get me in a state of “paralysis
by analysis.” But, something deep inside really clicked.
I want to share that with you
today.
Last week I talked about
“hitting bottom,” and its necessary occurrence to open me (and you?) up to real
contact with the Spirit of God, as you may understand God. That is certainly
what I experienced as I “floated” into my earliest AA meetings, still under the
influence of Librium. However, the first six months of my recovery were both
astounding and miraculous because of the powerful and visceral reaction I had
to the unbelievable acceptance I found in those church basements: I was
understood; I was accepted; I was loved! It gave me hope.
I kept being told, “Keep coming
back,” and I did. I couldn’t explain it, but I was being transformed. It was
wonderful.
As I listen to people share in
these meetings, I relate to the honesty behind the verbal sentences. Honesty is
a foundational key in any 12-Step program. But beyond the honesty is the fact
that, as each one shares, I find myself identifying with some tiny piece of
them. I can see a little of me in everyone that shares. It matters not whether
they are male or female, younger or older, wealthy or struggling, novice or experienced
in sobriety. I find a little of myself in each of them.
That is the source of my
feelings of acceptance – of Oneness.
They are just like me – or – I
am just like them. I see them in me – or – I see me in them. That little bit of
me that “sees” this sameness is what A Course In Miracles (ACIM) calls the
miracle. With spiritual vision from the Holy Spirit, I am able to perceive another
person as a Child of God, just like me – full of fear, perhaps, or hope, or
anger (the public face of fear), or understanding, or love. It is a palpable
sense of Oneness. And, as far as I have been able to determine, this
understanding of Oneness is an underlying reality in virtually all religions –
Christianity, of course, but also Islam and its spiritual partner Sufism,
Judaism and its spiritual partner Kabbalah, Buddhism, Hinduism, as well as most
native indigenous concepts of spirituality.
We are all One. My spirit – the
essential Me – is no bigger than, no more important than, no more precious than
anyone else’s. Buddhism, Hinduism and the indigenous cultures (especially
Shamanism) think I also should include ALL
of nature as well. They would admonish me by saying, “Donnie, your spirit is no
more important nor different than the spirit of a deer or a rabbit or a raven
or a stream. We are all Life and we are all One. I believe that. It brings me
peace.
The reason I still go to AA
meetings after 29 years of sobriety is that I still need to experience that small
bit of Oneness I get in those rooms. Are there some persons in AA I gravitate
to or feel more akin to than others? Of course there are. But underneath it
all, there is a common bond that constantly reinforces my sense of
belongingness; my sense of acceptance; my sense of Self among all their Selves.
It is Oneness – in the immediacy
of that room, those people, and their honesty. In its presence all differences
become superficial and generally irrelevant. For me, that Oneness is the sense
of being in the presence and reality of the Holy.
I still very much need to
experience that. I still very much need those recovering
alcoholics.
As I’ve
stated before, “I have to understand, on a visceral level, who the “Me” or “I”
really is when I am speaking or thinking. The “I” that says to myself, “I
really need a newer, more reliable car” is a different “I” than the one that
says to my Holy Spirit, “I can’t do this anymore; help me perceive things the
way You see them.”
Although these messages are mostly for me,
thanks for listening to me and getting to know me – warts and all. As always, feel
free to forward this message to your friends, family, and those accompanying
you on your spiritual journey.
Have a happy, peaceful and safe Memorial Day
holiday, if you are here in the United States.
Don
#5 May 2016
Copyright 2016
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