I have learned, during the past
several years to imagine my thoughts as leaves floating on a stream. Having a wet weather creek that runs through
our property has helped me with this imagery. “Oh! Here comes one. Watch it float by. Oh! Here comes another one.
It’s floating by as well. Look at this big yellow one. Wow, look at that orange
one! Have a nice day, leaves.”
I recently heard a similar idea
in an AA meeting: “The thoughts running through my head are like trains coming
in and out of Grand Central Station. The trains come in, pause, and leave for
somewhere else. Just because I see these trains come and go does not mean that I have to hop on
and ride each one of them.”
I have thoughts that seem to
come from nowhere. They stay with me until another thought – also coming from
nowhere – takes its place. It is constant. Relentless. Unending. Like the
leaves in my stream. But, I don’t have to grab one, bring it back, chew on it
and make it my Now. But, often I do. That act disrupts my serenity.
I learned in AA that my
thoughts, if taken seriously and acted upon, may very well lead me to conclude I can have one, little
drink. Just every once in a while. It won’t hurt me. I don’t have to tell
anyone. Old-timers told me – “Your
thoughts and your feelings are not REAL things. They are not reliable. They can
change in an instant. They are very, very fickle and they don’t give a damn
about you. Alcohol is a disease – cunning, baffling and powerful. So, Donnie,
don’t drink today, pray, go to a meeting, share honestly and help someone. Do
not listen to or act on your thoughts until you check it out with another
person. Do this just for today, and remember, the rest of your life is none of
your business.”
A Course in Miracles (ACIM)
tells me much the same thing. Early in my study of the Course, I summarized
important (to me) concepts from the first 30 Lessons in the Workbook for
Students. I put this summary on one page of text as a quick “cheat sheet” for
myself. This one-pager opens with:
“My mind is preoccupied with past thoughts. I see nothing as it is
now. "The one wholly true thought
I can hold about the past is that it is not here."
“Since I see only the past, my thoughts do not mean anything; I am
upset because I am seeing something that is not there; my thoughts are merely
images I have made. I only see what I am looking for. If my mind is preoccupied
with the past – and all thoughts about the past are thoughts or images about
illusions, and all I see is a projection of my thoughts – where does that leave
what I am "seeing?" Nowhere! I am seeing reflections of my memories
of an image or illusion. When I am picturing the past or anticipating the
future, my mind is actually blank, because it is not thinking. It is only
remembering my memories of an illusion.
“This idea totally engulfs my Ego in fear – if all that my Ego is
showing me is meaningless, then I (and my illusionary world) are meaningless.
My only option is to let God define my world and me. That is even more scary!
It feels more "natural" to make my own meaning – with myself and my
concerns at the center. If I let God make my meaning, then I have to believe
that I, and all the things I value and fought for (including those things I
believe are right and just), might be lost.
“This reality scares the bejeezus out of me, which puts me in a state
of fear, rationalization, defensiveness, justification, projection, or
disbelief – tools I use to protect "my" world. When I use these
"tools," I am feeling like a victim/potential-victim/victor, all of
which means that I am vulnerable and open to attack – believing what I see is
true reality! Using my own past
experience/learning to guide me is to continue to make my own meaning out of
the world. By not doing this allows my Spirit Guide to speak to me and take
His rightful place in my awareness.”
Today, when aware of my thoughts,
it is critically important that I do not give them the weight of truth for me.
Certainly, I have learned not to act on these thoughts, but, more importantly, not to give voice to them either. I try not
to suppress my thoughts or feelings. But to begin talking about them – and
hearing my own voice state them – seems to give those thoughts more power and
substance. At least, in my mind, if I recognize these egoic thoughts for what
they are, I have the opportunity to simply say to them: “Have a nice day. Bye.”
Then, I need do nothing except
to still my mind by focusing on hearing the whispers of my Holy Spirit rather
than all my egoic voices. I can remember I am not my body – nor am I my
thoughts. I am an already-loved eternal spirit currently having a human
experience.
As I stated last week, “I have
to understand, on a visceral level, who the “Me” or “I” really is when I am
speaking or thinking. The “I” that says to myself, “I really need a newer, more
reliable car” is a different “I” than the one that says to my Holy Spirit, “I
can’t do this anymore. Help me perceive things the way You see them.”
Although these messages are mostly for me,
thanks for listening to me and getting to know me – warts and all. As always, feel
free to forward this message to your friends, family, and those accompanying
you on your spiritual journey.
Don
#2 May 2016
Copyright 2016
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