I
used to pride myself on my ability to think and reason. I got myself in a lot
of trouble doing just that. I have since learned to get my self out of trouble,
too.
When
I wrote my book, I had begun by trying to unify – for me – the spiritual
experience with my Higher Power that transformed me as I got sober in AA with
my formal theological training at Princeton Seminary.
For
example, in AA we recited the Serenity Prayer – which I’m sure you’re familiar
with: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the
courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the
difference.” What can’t I change? What
can I change? I understood pretty quickly that I can’t change people, places,
or things. Well, what’s left? What I finally learned was the only thing I could
possibly change or control – at least sometimes – was my attitude.
The
first time I experienced that was a 2-week span that was really hell for me. I
was about 18 months sober at the time. My boss at work, a Pakistani Hindu who
believed employees were simply a resource to be used and discarded was driving
me nuts. My car, a tri-toned (silver-gray-rust) Toyota station wagon I had
nicknamed “The Gray Goose,” was on the fritz. Sometimes it would start and
sometimes it wouldn’t. It also seemed it would never start on those mornings
when I couldn’t afford to be late. There appeared to be little rhyme or reason
for its behavior. The blower motor in my condo’s HVAC unit, like the car, was
intermittently erratic. I was having severe issues with the woman I had been
dating.
I
discovered when I changed my attitude my universe changed! I was able to change
my attitude by changing my focus – concentrating on my real mission in
life – to stay sober and help other
alcoholics achieve sobriety. I cannot take credit for this change in attitude.
My sponsor kept telling me to keep my eye on the target – my daily usefulness
to my program and to THE Program. “First Things First.” My boss got better.
Problems got handled: The Gray Goose needed spark plug wires; the condo fan
blower simply needed a loose wire tightened. My relationship got better and
finally ended on a friendly note. By changing my focus and concentration, I got
better, and my universe got better.
It
was always a miracle to me when this occurred. It still is! And it is still
very difficult to communicate. You can read about my difficulty in Chapter 9,
as I try to communicate my spiritual transformation, which A Course in Miracles
(ACIM) says is really beyond words.
That
same message – in a little bit different language – is what I hear in New
Thought congregations (Religious Science or Unity) or read in Buddhist or
Kabbalah literature: Thoughts are things. Change my thoughts and my life
changes. Learn to understand spiritual laws – they are as real as physical laws
– the spiritual Law of Circulation is as real as the physical law of gravity -
and, instead of fighting them, use them. The universal Spirit of Love wants me
to flow with it, not fight against it.
So,
I wanted to integrate these kinds of realities I had experienced with the
formal theological training I had received at Princeton. Now, having studied
ACIM for over three years, I understand the “bounce-back” effect of the projection
of my thoughts (If You Spot It,
You Got It; Msg-4-March, 2012).
I
comprehend AA’s bumper sticker wisdom that tells me daily: “I am to go to
meetings, share, pray, not drink, work the steps and the rest of my life is none of my business.” I comprehend what ACIM
teaches me: My ego body-bound thoughts create my interpretations, which color
my perceptions of my world. For me to respond, as if it’s real, to my perceived
interpretation of an event or person is truly insane. Stop! Forgive my
perceptions and myself for projecting them. Ask the Holy Spirit for another way
of seeing my situation, because I am never upset for the reason I think I am.
Even
though I comprehend these truths, nonetheless, the most difficult thing for me
to accept is that, if my “world” isn’t living up to par, I need to change my
thinking / my perceptions / my projections. Whatever the situation, I am slowly
learning that MY THINKING IS MY PROBLEM.
Damn!
Although I now know it is true, it remains really tough for me to swallow.
However,
more and more often I do stop, pause and listen for the whispers of the Hoy
Spirit.
Every
time I learn that lesson – over and over and over and over again – I am
experiencing the miracle of Easter. My body-bound image of myself dies a little
and my Spirit-Self I call “Little Donnie” rises a bit in my consciousness. The
reality that I am not a human body that has a soul/spirit but an already-loved
eternal spirit that is having a human experience breaks through again and
again. For a brief respite I am calm again. My thinking regains its proper
balance.
On
a personal note – my journey to sobriety began on April 17, 1987. That was the
date of my last drink. It was also Good Friday. My ego-self began to die that
day and my spirit-self peeked around the corner of my mind to let me know my
Real Self was still there. That was the beginning of my spiritual journey.
It
still amazes me. It is still a miracle. I am a miracle. I have begun walking
out of my self-created tomb.
Happy
Easter, everyone.
Thanks
for listening. As always and with my blessing please share this with your
friends, family, and other spiritual partners.
Don
#2
April, 2012
No comments:
Post a Comment