During a Sunday service in our
Saint Augustine New Thought congregation I heard a creative duo sing a great
song. The lyrics were wonderful. I do not know whether they were singing an
established song or wrote the lyrics themselves. I cannot remember the words,
except for the refrain: “I Don’t ‘should’ on you. Please don’t ‘should’ on me.”
When I used to counsel
congregants, I would often state: If I could remove two words from the English
language, I would remove “should” and “ought.” Both words convey a
twenty-twenty hindsight coupled with judgment and guilt. Both words bring the
focus of the conversation from the present to the past as if it’s a predictor
of the future. But what about NOW?
Well, NOW gets lost in the
shuffle.
That’s kinda what I was going
through as I reviewed my life while going through the memorabilia I had
collected. I wrote a little about that last week [Msg-4-Jan-2016; Memories Of A Past That Is No Longer There]. I
shared that experience in an AA meeting this week. The meeting topic was about
acceptance, which was very appropriate for me. One principal story in the Big
Book, is entitled “Acceptance Was The Answer” and that was quoted very often
during the meeting. I have reproduced that below.
“…
After I had been around A.A. for seven months, tapering off alcohol and pills,
not finding the program working very well, I was finally able to say, “Okay,
God. It is true that I—of all people, strange as it may seem, and even though I
didn’t give my permission—really, really am an alcoholic of sorts. And it’s all
right with me. Now, what am I going to do about it?” When I stopped living in
the problem and began living in the answer, the problem went away. From that
moment on, I have not had a single compulsion to drink.
“And acceptance is the answer to all my
problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place,
thing, or situation—some fact of my life —unacceptable to me, and I can find no
serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being
exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely
nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism,
I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot
be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the
world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.
“Shakespeare said, “All the world’s a
stage, and all the men and women merely players.” He forgot to mention that I
was the chief critic. I was always able to see the flaw in every person, every
situation. And I was always glad to point it out, because I knew you wanted
perfection, just as I did. A.A. and acceptance have taught me that there is a
bit of good in the worst of us and a bit of bad in the best of us; that we are
all children of God and we each have a right to be here. When I complain about
me or about you, I am complaining about God’s handiwork. I am saying that I
know better than God.” [Alcoholics
Anonymous, 4th Edition, Alcoholics Anonymous World Services Inc.,
2001, pp. 416-7]]
That passage is one of the most
quoted from all of AA’s stories. It is critical to my sobriety and serenity.
The problem is always within me. I was
taught – and now firmly believe – that I either profit materially or learn a
lesson from everything I do or that happens to me. Either way it is a positive
outcome. Without that thought guiding me, I quickly regress into a huge
pity-pot and relish holding court from my king-baby chair as the premier critic
of the universe.
Wallowing in self-pity, I am in
a state of anger, resentment, and discontent. That is the exact opposite of
what my spiritual progress has allowed me to glimpse: peace, joy, serenity and
love.
For me it always boils down to
being in my thoughts all by myself. I’m reminded of another quote common among
AA old-timers: "Your mind is like a bad neighborhood - don't go in there
alone."
But I still do sometimes – until
the pain and discontent get too great. Then I remember – “Donnie, you’ve been
in a bad neighborhood all by yourself. All about you is fear, anger,
resentment, hate. Go to a meeting and talk about it.”
It always works for me.
I remember that I was taught I’m
as sick as my secrets. If I feel ashamed or embarrassed about sharing in a
meeting, then I’ll find someone I can confide in privately. The longer I’m
active in AA, however, the less I find myself being embarrassed by being
honest.
That’s why I compose and send
these weekly messages to you. It allows me to simply share who I am – as I grow
and as I stumble.
When I am speaking/thinking lots
and lots of “should” thoughts – whether directed at myself or outwardly – I
know instinctively that I am in a “bad neighborhood” and I am not happy and
serene.
I get out of there as quickly as
I can!
Although these messages are
mostly for me, thanks for listening. As always – feel free to forward this
message to your friends, family, and those accompanying you on your spiritual
journey.
Don
#1 Feb 2016
Copyright 2016
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