I saw a cute saying
while in New England recently. It went like this: “Have you ever stopped to
think, and forgotten to start up again?”
Catchy.
It made me really
smile as I read it. Since then I’ve seen quite a few signs/placards of that
same saying.
But as I continued
to stroll around that New England day – people watching and enjoying the
history that has been lovingly cared for – I found my mind toying with the idea
behind that saying. As I was thinking, I became aware of the flitty-ness of my
mind: I had some really good points to make in this post, but watching a little
girl trying to control her feisty Jack Russell terrier, and – poof! – gone was
one of those great ideas. Had I
forgotten to “…start up again?” No. That
“great” idea of mine was just a flitting thought of which I have thousands a
day. No single thought is more profound or more mundane than any other. They
are just flitting thoughts that float from somewhere, pass through my
consciousness, and disappear into nowhere at the appearance of the next
flitting thought. The only thing that stops a thought from simply being
flitting is my grabbing that thought and keeping it at the center of my
attention at the expense of the next queued-up flitting thought – which might
also be profound. Which might be from the Holy Spirit!
I get up from my
chair in the office and walk into the kitchen. I stop. “Why am I in here?” So I
go back to my chair, get up again, and walk again into the kitchen. Quite often
that works, and I remember what I was going to do. Sometimes, even that doesn’t
work. Another lost thought.
Perhaps all my
great, but lost, thoughts have ended up as piles of intellectual dust-bunnies
next to all my lost socks.
However catchy and cute that saying is, I am seriously reminded of the non-existent world my flitty mind has
created. This has been very true this week of the election. I have found myself
very attuned to all the hype, excuses, rationalizations, explanations, angst,
and smugness that have found their way in all the news talk shows. Obama won
because…. Romney lost because…. Obama wouldn’t have won if only …. Romney
could’ve won if only …. As I listened I found myself right in the thick of it:
“No! No! You’ve got it wrong. That’s not why he [won/lost]. What’s the matter
with you? That earlier commentator got it right [Loose translation: I agree with him/her] – Why can’t you see that? [Loose
translation: I don’t agree with you].
Walking the dog this morning, I
found myself having a discussion with Bill O’Reilly of Fox News. I was getting
angry and incensed. What the hell was really going on? We were about to leave
to enjoy a beautiful autumn day in our new Toyota Prius, my dog is totally
fascinated with some new-to-him scent, and I am virtually (but silently!)
shouting at Bill O’Reilly with words of unbelievable wisdom.
Is that absurd or is that
utterly absurd?
Just be glad that I am no longer
drinking. If I was, I’d be on the phone trying to reach Bill O. Sometimes I
think if someone could actually witness the thoughts that flit through my mind,
they’d call 911 and have the little men in white coats on me like ants at a
picnic, replete with a bottle of magical Thorazine and little rubber duckies to
keep me company.
And I ACTUALLY LISTEN to this
steel-trap mind of mine! Not only do I listen, I actually believe its
perception of reality to be factual and true and my job is to convince all who’ll
listen of these utterly absurd “facts.”
Thank God for AA and its firm
belief that I cannot take myself seriously. That’s why there’s always so much
laughter in an AA meeting. When I hear people overly exaggerating about
themselves (or about others) it’s truly funny – and it’s always very truly TRUE about me. So I laugh – through them
at me. And it heals me. And it centers me. And I hear the voice of my Higher
Power speaking to me. And it transforms me.
Most of all I am brought back to
the reality that gives me some peace: I am not my thoughts. My perceptions are
a self-created dream, like everyone else’s perceptions. As difficult as that is
for me to comprehend sometimes, it still remains the only way I sense a little
bit of actual, peaceful reality in the midst of the capricious flitty-ness of
my mind.
Again, this message is really for
me. Thanks for listening, and – as always – feel free to forward this message
to your friends, family, and those accompanying you on your spiritual journey.
Don
#2 November, 2012
Copyright, 2012
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