Wearing a mask can be a rather insidious form of
dishonesty. It is very enforced by our social norms and interactions. Since
social decorum is required to a degree for a civilized society to function,
this makes it very difficult to ignore since my ego believes it to be an
accepted Truth.
I received this poem from a good
friend and subscriber who lives in Florida. It underscores issues I have raised
in several of my posts about the importance to me of being honest. Perhaps you
will discover how important it is to you, too.
“Out and about, I started thinking about
Halloween and the masks people wear. And
then it struck me that we all wear our own masks all the time. What mask do you
wear to hide the real you? I hid behind the mom mask, the student mask, the
wife mask and now the “old” mask.
HALLOWEEN
MASK
By Jeanette
Zanghi
Phony people
Wear a
Plastic mask,
Evil people
Wear a
Monster mask,
Sweet people
Wear an
Angelic mask,
Take off
The mask,
Don’t hide--
“You” are
Beautiful.
Wearing a mask can be a rather
insidious form of dishonesty. It is very enforced by our social norms and
interactions. Since social decorum is required to a degree for a civilized
society to function, this makes it very difficult to ignore since my ego
believes it to be an accepted Truth.
By being honest – I don’t mean
being brutal. Brutal honesty is simply another form of anger and aggression. For
example when people innocently (we presume) inquire “How’re ya doin’?” you
don’t need to tell them to f**k-off because you don’t feel like being sweet
today. When people ask for your opinion about something or some issue, you
don’t need to berate their sense of dress-code or their intelligence. But
you can say honestly, but gently, that normally stripes don’t go with
plaids. That you used to think the same way about those issues, but have since
read X, Y, and Z and now have come to different conclusions. That’s wearing
your honest-but-gentle mask – rather than hiding behind the always-need-to-be
tactful-even if it means don’t answer their question-for-fear-of-hurting-someone’s-feelings
mask.
By being honest – I don’t mean
sharing delicate personal information that is unnecessary for your honesty. For
example you don’t have to tell your 12-Step group or your bridge buddies or
your yoga class members or the cashier at the grocery store that you are “kinda
down” today because your erectile dysfunction kicked in last night and you
disappointed your mate and that always makes you feel inferior. You don’t have
to tell the folks who have asked, “How are you today?” as a matter of common
courtesy, that your PMS kicked in big time yesterday evening and you called
your husband a slovenly SOB, hit his head with a frying pan, kicked him in the
groin, ripped out some recently planted hair plugs, and sent him to the
Emergency Room. Since you are dreading going to see him, you are feeling “kinda
down.” But you can say, “I’m
feeling ‘kinda down’ today. Sorry I’m not my perky self.” That’s wearing your as-real-as-I-can-be-for-today
mask, rather than hiding behind the
always-need-to-make-people-feel-good-because-that’s-what-active-listeners-do mask.
Jeanette’s poem is right on the
money.
Being as honest as I can be in
whatever situation I’ve found myself in has been critical to my overcoming
toxic shame. It’s been critical on my journey to sobriety and the
transformation it effected. It has allowed me to feel comfortable (not arrogant
and mean-spirited in the name of honesty) in my own skin. I’m certainly not
perfect but, as a good friend continually says in our Course in Miracles (ACIM)
meetings, “I’m a work in progress.”
Today – at least – that’s enough
for me. To be honest. To be a living example of WYSIWYG (what you see is what
you get). To be without that sickening feeling inside that the “me” you think
you’re dealing with isn’t the real me. Unless you’ve been there you can have no
idea what a true relief it is to be without those inadequate, dishonest,
this-isn’t-me feelings.
Thank you, Jeanette, and thanks
for listening. As always – feel free to forward this message to your friends,
family, and those accompanying you on your spiritual journey.
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving
holiday!
Don
#3 November, 2012
Copyright, 2012
PS: I will be traveling to my daughter’s over
Thanksgiving and the ensuing weekend. There will be no message on November 25.
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