This was a bad week for me. I
got very angry and it really surprised me – and not in a good, positive way. I
had thought I had kind of gotten that part of me under control. Boy, was I in
error! Last week [Msg-3-Sep-2014; My Schizophrenic Spiritual Self] I had
discussed how Felix (my lower self) had “temper tantrums, a dismal outlook on
life, a black-or-white or win-or-lose approach to living, a chorus of voices in
my head that can comprise his presence, a belief in lack, and a perception that
all my problems are “out there.” All of that was out in full force last week
for about 2 hours. It frightened me. I began getting down on myself in a big time
way. Coupled with that I began getting down on myself for getting down on
myself.
When I was a young parent and my
daughter, Leslie, was only 18 months old, I had bought her some new shoes. She
was thrilled. These were not the typical white high-top “baby” shoes. She would
walk all over the house simply looking down at her shoes and feet as she
walked. Tickled pink. Proud as punch. Happy as a lark. In that posture of
chin-on-chest she proceeded to walk into the edge of an open door. Ouch! She
had a big bump on her head and a little broken skin. Scared. Hurt. Crying.
Earlier this week, I think I had
become like a little Leslie. I had become enamored with a little more
significant level of spirituality – enamored enough to become “full of myself.”
I had been praying more. I had been centering myself a little more – several
times daily. I had been more aware of little intuitive thoughts throughout the
day that seemed to be coming from outside myself – thoughts that were unlike my
normal thoughts – and were very helpful to me. Boy! This spiritual program was
working! Yipee!
BAM!
I was freshly face-to-face with
the power and reality of Felix. If I thought (and I do!) alcohol was cunning,
baffling, and powerful, then Felix had to be right up there with all the guile
he could muster. As I mentioned, not only was I down as a result of my
outburst, I became down on me because I was down on me. It was a deadly spiral
I had experienced before.
I’m coming back. Writing and
focusing on this message has been a tremendous help. I had thought about
skipping this week. I’m glad I didn’t. So, thanks for listening once more. I’m
remembering that I can always begin again by making another choice.
I cannot remember where I heard
this or read this, but it is stated so very simply: A Course In Miracles (ACIM)
tells me that my function in this world is to forgive by understanding that you
and I make errors and we are all One. To forgive in this light requires me to
operate from a new perception. When my perception changes ACIM calls this the Atonement.
It is my willingness to allow the Holy Spirit or Jesus to retranslate what I
see. All I need to do is be open and
willing – not become smug or proud or complacent with myself. Because I did do
just that earlier this week, Felix grabbed hold of that sliver of ego and I was
devastated.
When I mention that spiritual
growth is wonderful, but often painful, what happened to me is a perfect
example. It has been a great, but disturbing, learning experience.
What a journey!
Although these messages are
mostly for me, thanks for listening. As always – feel free to forward this
message to your friends, family, and those accompanying you on your spiritual
journey.
Don
#4 September 2014
Copyright, 2014
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