It’s good to be home and back in
my familiar routine. My body responds well to that. Appetite. Sleep. Rhythm.
Actually, it’s kind of magical, isn’t it?
After unpacking, washing
clothes, going through the mail and getting settled, I was able to go to my favorite
AA meeting where we discussed, among other things, the problem of finding
ourselves in a general state of boredom. As we all commented, it became clear
we were not really bored, we were simply not used to life without our addiction-manufactured
“drama” that had dominated our daily living for so long. We had no experience
living in a state of approaching serenity.
As I stopped drinking, went to
meetings, shared honestly, and began working the program of Alcoholics
Anonymous, I began taking care of myself under the guidance of a sponsor and
friends I was meeting in those rooms. As I did that – over the course of 6-8
months – the communications from creditors, lawyers, ex-wives, frustrated
bosses, demanding girl friends, and angry neighbors all began to subside. My
life was becoming manageable. The drama of constant problems and issues was
abating.
Although that all sounds
wonderful – and it was! – it soon became clear I didn’t know how to live like
that. What I was used to, and therefore defined as “normal,” was a life of
utter chaos and constant problems. Without that chaos, I felt I was shriveling
up inside. Bored. Stagnant. Lifeless. Dull. Antsy. Tiresome.
What was I supposed to do on a
rainy Saturday? Cook something nice for dinner and sit in my favorite chair and
read a new-to-me novel? Well, why not? Borrrr-Ring!
Since my life has truly settled
down over a quarter century, I have developed an innate sensitivity to those
who still are addicted to drama. It certainly doesn’t have to be
alcohol/drug-induced drama. In fact, most of the drama-queens/kings I meet
today are not addicted to mind-altering substances. They are simply addicted to
“drama” (worry, fear, irritation, conspiracies, vengeance, religion, success,
or instant gratification). I think they believe it adds “spice” to their life. Without
their “drama,” perhaps they don’t feel they even exist.
What all their dramas really do,
in my opinion, is keep them “busy” enough so they are able to keep their focus
off themselves. One of my wife’s best friends said that specifically to us one
day. She was complaining how busy she was. When we mentioned staying at home
with a book or going to a seminar about handling issues confronting all of us,
her response was, “Why would I want to do
that – start thinking about my past and opening up that Pandora’s Box?”
Loose translation: I want to stay so busy I don’t have time to think about me.
While on vacation in Nova Scotia
it was amazing to me how many (and how often) our travelling companions had to
check their cell phones or iPads for messages or to post pictures as the tour
unfolded. It was as if they believed they had to keep all their friends and
relatives updated on all the goings-on several times daily. Then they had to
share text messages and pictures they were receiving – at times when the tour
director/guide was explaining the history and culture of whatever it was we
were seeing.
Rather that concentrating on
what was being said, absorbing the knowledge and enjoying the views, these
folks had to take a snapshot of the guide and text a message about what he was
saying. I guess that was what made the experience real for them. Rather than
simply enjoying being there, they had to communicate that they were, in fact,
there and enjoying it.
I didn’t understand. Neither did
my wife.
Upon reflection, I think people
addicted to drama, as an indicator of a sense of alive-ness, have lost their
sense of Self. An event isn’t real unless you’ve taken a picture of it.
Enjoyment isn’t real unless you can document it in real time and transmit it
into the ether of the Web. Without posting an experience on FaceBook or
Twitter, it’s not really happening.
Whenever I really experience an event, it is communicating to me on several
different levels at the same time: cerebrally, viscerally, and emotionally. I
can picture myself there. I can “feel” myself eating pea soup in the 18th
Century at the Fortress of Louisbourg. I can enjoy the smell of wood smoke as
if it were a welcoming beacon telling me I was nearing home. This
identification with real people of history is not the same, obviously, as
experiencing my True Self – my ego-less Self. But I don’t need to complicate
things by distracting my ego-self so much that I cannot even relate with other
people.
I believe when people remove
themselves from that level of involvement and try to “capture” it with photos
or texts, it is removing them from the humanity of the experience and reinforcing
a sense of separateness. It distracts them from the experience and so they miss
it. It is a constant reminder that they are distinct islands of identity – over
and against the people, culture, and history of the area – over and against
their fellow travellers – over and against their True Selves, their True
Humanity.
I believe this behavior
reinforces the death of the soul. It was scary. It was a shame. However, as
this message attests, it became a wonderful learning experience for me.
Although these messages are
mostly for me, thanks for listening. As always – feel free to forward this
message to your friends, family, and those accompanying you on your spiritual
journey.
Don
#1 Jul, 2014
Copyright, 2014
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