Over time I have changed. I am
similar to but no longer the same person I used to be. This helps me look at
people I interact with and see myself in them and them in me. All of this helps
me keep the focus on my insides where it belongs.
When I get angry or frustrated
at someone, whether petty or serious, I attempt to discipline my mind by
remembering “that someone” is as perfect as I am. Together we are,
collectively, the Son of God. We are perfect. We are already-loved spirits
currently having a human experience. I
focus my mind on me and my emotional responses/reactions to the situation
involving “that someone.”
Sounds pretty
impressive, doesn’t it? Mature. Spiritual. Focused. Wise. Deep.
I wish!
After 25 years of sobriety I
have learned a bit about focusing on me. I have made a little progress. It used
to be that by Friday, I might have a realization about an incidence that
occurred on Monday. Now, it generally occurs within 24-hours. This has come to
me as a result of doing several 4 th and 5th Steps of
AA’s suggested program of recovery and continuously doing the 10th
Step: (4)Made
a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves; (5) Admitted to God, to
ourselves, and to another human being
the exact nature of our wrongs; (10) Continued to take personal inventory and
when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
Doing Steps 4 & 5 has taught
me always to look at my behavior, my attitude, my thinking, my assumptions –
all of which play major roles in how I perceive, react, respond, or contribute
to a situation. Learning to do that I am reasonably able to keep the focus on
me, which is where it always belongs – where my spiritual learning occurs.
I wish I could write and tell
each of you this process occurs instantly.
As I mentioned, it still takes time for those thoughts to enter and calm
my mind. Before I get myself into this observer-of-self state, I am frustrated,
angry, blaming, fearful, and totally focused on “that someone” who has caused
me some sort of upset.
Over time, however, I have
changed. I am similar to but no longer the same person I used to be. This, too,
helps me look at people I interact with and see myself in them and them in me.
All of this helps me keep the focus on me. My emotional chaos, lack of
serenity, constant state of upset and disappointment, fearfulness, and anxiety
all comes from inside me. These feelings are not “caused” by external events or
people. They are mine to deal with and mine to own. To the extent I own them I
grow spiritually. To the extent I don’t I don’t.
I remember a very funny
situation that occurred as I matured. While a young man, still in the ministry
and the father of two small children, I became enamored with the sitcom “All in
the Family.” It involved an unadorned blue-collar family headed by Archie
Bunker and his wife Edith, their daughter Gloria and son-in-law, affectionately
known as Meat Head.
Meat Head was a flaming, young,
progressive college graduate full of righteous causes. Archie was the typical
bigoted, hard-headed and very opinionated worker bee. Their clashes – moral,
social, political, and economic – were very real and very funny. It was a
ground breaking show. To put it mildly, Archie was not Father-Knows-Best’s
Robert Young.
As a young Presbyterian minister,
who had worked in the inner city of Trenton, NJ, I truly identified with Meat
Head. I felt his frustration and anger when trying to convince Archie how “all
wet” he was about an issue. Archie was so typical of the white, protestant
church-goers I had to lead and shepherd – frightened, stubborn, stuck.
Fast-Forward a decade.
I had gotten divorced. The
children were awarded to their mother. At age 14, my son came to live with me.
Television stations were beginning to show reruns of “All in the Family.” My
son and I watched them and laughed together many evenings.
My son, very bright and
well-read, had an instant affinity for Meat Head, just as I had. I, on the
other hand, found myself really understanding and sympathizing with to the
Archie character! How had this happened? I had no idea. It was funny and scary
at the same time. I hadn’t gotten sober yet because my drinking hadn’t gotten
out of control at that point, but I certainly didn’t remember changing into an
Archie.
I keep this story of me and Archie
and Meat Head as fresh and green as I can. If I can change about something like
this, why can’t someone else? If I can believe I’m right, why can’t someone
else? If I can get scared and search for solutions that alleviate my fear, why
can’t someone else? If I’m working for my peace and serenity, why can’t someone
else? Well, that “someone else” can and does.
By remembering my changing
relationship with Archie I keep the unreliability of my thoughts very fresh. By
remembering my pre-sober years I keep the unreliability of my thoughts fresh.
Why is this important?
That knowledge of my unreliable
thought processes is a key to my being able to see my own complicity in any
given situation, as well as my being able to see myself in another or them in
me. In that “seeing,” I believe the Holy Spirit has an opportunity to touch
both of us. That spiritual touching is the “miracle” the Course in Miracles is
all about.
Thanks for listening, and – as
always – feel free to forward this message to your friends, family, and those
accompanying you on your spiritual journey.
Don
#3 October, 2012
Copyright, 2012
PS: I will be on the road for a
week. I will not be sending my message next week.